Let’s face it, periods don’t exactly have the best PR team. From mood swings to bloating, most people see “that time of the month” as more of a time to duck and cover than to crack a smile. Well, we’re here to change that! Whether you’re battling an avalanche of chocolate cravings or surviving a hot water bottle marathon, laughter just might be the best medicine—plus, it’s way cheaper than all those heating pads.
Fun fact: the average person spends about 6.25 years of their life menstruating. So why not add some humor to that lifelong subscription, right? Without further ado, let’s dive into some side-splitting menses puns to make your period just a little more bearable.
Here are the funniest menses puns that are so relatable, they might just “flow” into your daily conversation like—you know where this is going.
Table of the Funniest Menses Puns
1. Why did the pad break up with the tampon?
Because it just couldn’t handle the pressure.
2. What’s a period’s favorite band?
Red Hot Chili Peppers.
3. Why did the tampon go to therapy?
It had too many string issues.
4. What’s a great period pick-up line?
“Are you on your period? Because you’re making me feel bloated with love!”
5. Why did the uterus apply for a part-time job?
Because it had too much free “cramp” time.
6. What ocean is always on its period?
The Red Sea.
7. Why don’t periods ever get lost?
They always come roughly on schedule.
8. What do periods and plot twists have in common?
They both show up when you’re least expecting it.
9. What did the uterus say during a horror movie?
“I’ve seen scarier things. Ever heard of Day 2?”
10. Why was the maxi pad the life of the party?
Because it always knew how to “flow” with it.
11. What did one tampon say to the other during the marathon?
“We’re in this for the long, absorbent haul!”
12. I heard the period monster has a favorite color.
Yep, it’s crimson—obviously.
13. Why did the period stop doing yoga?
It was tired of always being in a twisted position.
14. What snacks do people on their period love the most?
Anything that doesn’t talk back during chocolate cravings.
15. What made the tampon skip its vacation?
It got stressed and needed a “break.”
16. Why don’t periods write very often?
They’re too busy with constant “flow” state.
17. What’s the body’s least favorite piece of mail?
The monthly bill from Aunt Flo.
18. Why should you invite your period to a flash mob?
Because it knows how to show up out of nowhere and make a scene!
19. What did the menstrual pad say during a dance-off?
“I’ll stick around, no problem.”
20. Why can’t sharks smell periods?
They’re too busy listening to “Bloodstream” by Ed Sheeran.
21. What’s the worst thing you can say to someone on their period?
“Are you sure it’s just your period?”
22. How did the period get a promotion?
It’s a natural at bleeding the competition dry.
23. What’s the most peaceful day of a period cycle?
The last day, when everybody just wants to call a “truce.”
24. What’s a period’s favorite holiday?
Bloody Valentine’s Day.
25. Why doesn’t anyone trust periods?
Because they’re always a little “cranky.”
26. How does a cramp apologize?
It gives you a little break to catch your breath.
27. Why is your period like a terrible roommate?
It arrives unannounced, eats all your snacks, and refuses to leave.
28. Why did the diva cup become a motivational speaker?
It knew how to grab attention with “overflowing” confidence.
29. What do you call the musical talent of periods?
A “flow” symphony.
30. How do periods order their coffee?
Extra dark and strong, just like their vibe.
31. Why did the pantyliner feel so proud?
Because she was always there to back up her friends.
32. Why did the period fail at hide and seek?
Because it had a “spotting” issue.
33. What’s a menses’ favorite historical era?
The Medieval period, of course.
34. Why did cramps try stand-up comedy?
Because they know how to dig deep and make you feel something.
35. What’s the period’s favorite social media platform?
Red-dit.
36. Why don’t periods trust toilet paper?
It crumbles under pressure.
37. Why are periods afraid of escalators?
They go up while everything just wants to come down!
38. Why are heating pads great detectives?
They really know how to get to the “core” of the issue.
39. What’s the period’s favorite sci-fi movie?
“Space Liner,” obviously.
40. What’s the best exercise during your period?
Running…from responsibility.
41. Why don’t periods use social media?
Because they hate being checked out every day.
42. What’s worse than getting your period on a vacation?
Getting your period on Day 1 of vacation AND sitting on a white couch.
43. Why did the tampon audition for American Idol?
Because it knows how to carry a tune…and a lot of stress.
44. What’s a period’s go-to therapy outlet?
Screaming into a pillow and chocolate.
45. Why are periods like bad weather?
Everyone hopes they get canceled but knows they won’t.
46. What’s a period’s favorite TV show?
“Game of Flows.”
47. What did the cramp say to the heating pad?
“You warm my core… literally.”
48. What was the period’s excuse for skipping the gym?
It’s already doing “core” training.
49. Why don’t periods like surprises?
Because they bring the violence on first.
50. How do periods apologize for being late?
“Don’t worry, I’ll make up for it with extra drama next month.”
51. What’s the most dramatic part of a period?
Right before it starts when everyone’s on red alert.
52. Why did the menstrual cycle enroll in drama class?
It’s born with a flair for emotional highs and lows.
53. What’s a diva cup’s favorite method of transport?
The “flow”-tation device.
54. Why did the uterus break up with the painkillers?
Because the relationship was too one-sided.
55. What’s a period’s least favorite thing to hear?
“You’re overreacting.”
56. How do you comfort someone on their period?
Chocolate first, then all the low-impact positivity possible.
57. What do periods and Netflix have in common?
They both know a thing or two about unskippable features.
58. Why did the period join a support group?
Because it felt “over-burdened.”
59. What do periods and Mondays have in common?
They both arrive when you least need them.
60. Why did the pad break character in the play?
Because it couldn’t stick to the script.
61. How do periods like their vacations?
Short, sweet, and somewhere with extra absorbency on hand.
62. Why did the tampon fail geography class?
It couldn’t find its way to a designated spot.
63. What’s the first rule of periods?
Never leave the house without the essentials. You know exactly which ones.
64. Why did the cramps start a rock band?
Because nobody can drop painful beats like them.
65. What’s the hardest part about a period hangover?
Admitting you fell asleep with a hot water bottle again.
66. Why did the period go to the fancy restaurant?
To “wine” about its monthly grievances.
67. Why don’t periods play cards?
Because they always bleed with suspense.
68. What does your uterus write in its diary?
“Dear cramps, sometimes you go too far.”
69. Why did the calendar get into trouble?
Because it predicted a period ahead of schedule.
70. What’s the best breakup anthem for a period?
“Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis.
Laugh through the flow and share the glow!
There’s nothing like turning the drama of your period into a reason to smirk, right? We all know just how tough and unpredictable that time of the month can be, so why not enjoy a little light-hearted fun with menses puns that perfectly capture the reality?
Now that you’ve had a laugh, don’t forget to share this list with your friends in need of some comic relief. Bookmark us at jokeandpun.com so you never miss out on your next dose of giggles—trust us, these puns will come in handy more often than you think!
