Lace up your skates—things are about to get cracking! Ice hockey isn’t just about power plays, hat tricks, and slinging pucks at warp speed; it’s also fertile ground for some of the cheesiest, punniest, and most hilarious jokes you’ll ever hear.
Did you know that a regulation NHL ice hockey rink is roughly the size of a Boeing 747 wing? That’s a lot of space for slapstick humor! Whether you’re watching a game, or just shooting the breeze, the right ice hockey jokes can break the ice faster than a Zamboni, guarantee a laugh, and maybe even help you avoid a penalty for awkward pauses.
So, whether you’re a diehard fan who can name every Stanley Cup champ in order, a casual observer who only tunes in for the fights, or someone who’s just trying to impress your friends at the next game, these jokes will have you scoring big in the comedy department. Stick with us (pun intended)—and before you know it, you’ll be the MVP of hockey humor.
Here we go with knee-slapping, ice-breaking ice hockey jokes. Get your best chuckle ready—these punchlines are fresher than a newly resurfaced hockey rink.
Table of the Funniest Ice Hockey Jokes
1. Why did the hockey player bring string to the game?
He wanted to tie the score!
2. What does a hockey player and an air conditioner have in common?
They both lose their cool once in a while.
3. Why don’t hockey players like telling jokes during the game?
They don’t want to get a penalty for roughing the punchline.
4. What’s a vampire’s favorite hockey position?
Goalie, because they’re good at sucking the life out of the opposing team’s offense!
5. Why do ice hockey players make bad Valentines?
Because their love life is always on thin ice.
6. Why couldn’t the ice hockey team perform at their concert?
They couldn’t find their sticks!
7. What is “high-sticking” in hockey?
It’s what happens when the referee sees you with a piñata at the party.
8. Why was the hockey rink so slippery?
It had too many hat tricks on it!
9. Why do hockey players rarely play hide-and-seek?
Good luck hiding on thin ice.
10. What did the hockey coach say to the vending machine?
Give me my quarter back!
11. How do you know if a hockey player is a comedian?
He always scores the goal but misses the joke.
12. What position do birds like to play in hockey?
Wing!
13. Why didn’t the hockey player want to play cards?
Too many cheetahs.
14. Why did the hockey team go to the bakery?
They needed a new assistant “coach.”
15. What do you call a hockey game between a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite!
16. How do hockey players stay cool at practice?
They sit next to their fans.
17. What did the ice hockey puck say to the stick?
You’ve got me between a slap and a hard place.
18. Why did the hockey player visit the bank?
His checking account was empty.
19. Why was the hockey coach always calm?
He was used to icing out the competition.
20. What’s a hockey player’s favorite birthday party activity?
Slapshots at the piñata!
21. What’s a hockey referee’s favorite part of the alphabet?
The letter P, for penalty.
22. Why do some hockey players bring quarters to the game?
To pay for the penalty box!
23. What happened to the skater boy?
He got into the rink of things!
24. Why was Cinderella a terrible hockey player?
Her coach turned back into a pumpkin after the first period.
25. What type of ice cream do hockey players like?
Slapshot Sundae Swirls.
26. What happened when the Zamboni got into a fight with the scoreboard?
Things got pretty heated for an ice rink.
27. How does a hockey player like his steak?
Cold and rare, just like overtime goals.
28. What songs do hockey players listen to before games?
A lot of cool jazz and “power” chords.
29. Why did the defenseman bring a pencil to the hockey game?
For drawing penalties!
30. Why did the hockey player bring breakfast to practice?
He wanted to toss some waffle saves.
31. Why did the referee go to the music store?
He needed a new whistle.
32. What’s a hockey player’s least favorite vegetable?
Leeking goals.
33. How do hockey players stay in shape?
They stick to it!
34. Why was the goalie always calm under fire?
Because pressure comes with the crease.
35. Why did the hockey player keep his camera on the bench?
For all those close shots.
36. What do you call a hockey player with a great sense of humor?
A pun-cher!
37. What’s a hockey player’s favorite vacation spot?
The Penalty Box Resort—it’s 2 minutes for relaxing.
38. Why don’t hockey players eat donuts?
They’re trying to avoid hole-in-one situations on the ice.
39. How do hockey players kiss the cup?
Carefully, it’s very cold!
40. Why do hockey players listen to the weather forecast?
They’re always skating on thin ice!
41. What does a hockey player dream of at night?
Winning the Stanley sleep.
42. Who won the hockey fight?
The fans, because they got a free show.
43. What do you call a bunch of hockey players standing in line for a club?
High stick figures.
44. What’s a hockey player’s GPS phrase?
“Skate-ahead.”
45. Why don’t hockey players make a good orchestra?
They can’t seem to keep their sticks in line.
46. What would you say if a hockey arena was haunted?
The ghost was bored stiff!
47. Why did the Zamboni driver bring a shovel to the game?
For some ice-breaking humor!
48. What do you say when a hockey player scores while falling over?
He put the biscuit in the basket and sat in it.
49. Who is a hockey player’s favorite actor?
Slap Shot Nicholson.
50. What’s the best way to lose in ice hockey?
Go against a cold-blooded team!
51. What’s a hockey player’s favorite condiment?
Penalty ketchup—takes time to build up.
52. What’s a squirrel’s favorite part of the hockey game?
Nutmegging opponents.
53. Who’s the best hockey mascot?
The one that doesn’t “puck” things up.
54. Why do old hockey players never retire?
They just wave goodbye on the way to the bench.
55. What do you call a perfect pass in hockey?
Stick eye-to-eye coordination.
56. Why are goalies so bad at fishing?
They refuse to net anything.
57. What did the hockey puck say when asked how life’s been?
A little rough around the edges, but I’m still rolling.
58. Why do penguins make the best hockey players?
They’re ice “skaters” by birth!
59. Why is a hockey game like a party?
Because there’s lots of ice “clinking” and stick tapping.
60. What kind of deals do hockey leagues offer?
Season passes and penalty-free savings!
61. How do you make a hockey team smile?
Tell them they’ve got a power play…and extra ice cream.
62. What’s a hockey fan’s favorite instrument?
The slap-drums to match the slap-shots.
63. Why do hockey teams love fast-food so much?
Because fries come in clutch just like OT goals.
64. Why is playing hockey always fun?
Because there’s a lot of “stick-ing” good action.
65. What does the goalie do when he gets up in the morning?
He de-frosts.
66. What’s worse than a penalty for high sticking?
Getting benched for telling that last joke.
67. When do hockey players say sorry?
When they break some ice with their pals.
68. What do you get when you cross a hockey player and a comedian?
A punch liner.
69. How do hockey players travel during the off-season?
On ice skates and overtime.
70. What do you call a hockey team that’s always fighting?
Sticklers for penalties.
71. Why don’t they let hockey players sing at karaoke nights?
Because they always “puck” things up.
72. How do hockey players avoid making bad decisions?
Two words: Power play!
73. What do you call a goalie who’s also a chef?
The best sausage “saver” in the league.
74. What’s the ref’s favorite game?
Eye-spy… because he’s trying not to miss any calls.
75. What’s the hardest part of being a Zamboni driver?
Keeping your cool when people expect you to break up too much ice.
Wrap it up or stay in the penalty box!
Well, there you have it, folks—high-scoring, head-turning ice hockey jokes to warm up any frozen hearts or chilly conversations. Whether you got some groans or belly laughs from your friends, be sure to bookmark your favorite ones and use them at your next hockey game or party. Don’t let these gems remain locked in the penalty box—slide them over to your friends and share the puck, I mean, the fun!
If you’re still hungry for more chuckles, make sure to explore other areas of our site for puns, jokes, and humor articles that will keep your spirits as high as a hat trick celebration. Don’t forget to share the article and bookmark us—because when you’re the one cracking up the crowd, you can thank the home team here!
