Welcome to the wild, roundhouse-kick-laden world of Chuck Norris jokes, where no punchline is safe from unlimited strength, and the rules of the universe bend just to make way for Mr. Norris himself.
For the uninitiated, Chuck Norris jokes are exaggerated tall tales that play off his tough guy image, blending absurdity and hilarity in ways you wouldn’t expect. If you think you’ve heard them all, prepare to be surprised—some of these will roundhouse kick the laugh right out of you!
Super fun fact: Chuck Norris’ viral meme fame started from a sketch on a talk show, quickly spawning a phenomenon of jokes shared around the globe.
Ready to dive into this whirlpool of hilarious wisdom? Let’s get cracking with 100 of the best Chuck Norris jokes that will leave you laughing harder than a Texas-sized roundhouse!
Table of the Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes
1. Chuck Norris counted to infinity…
Twice.
2. When Chuck Norris enters a room…
He doesn’t turn on the lights; he turns the dark off.
3. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Mathematicians are still confused, but Chuck Norris isn’t.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books…
He stares them down until they give him the information he wants.
5. The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris…
Before going to bed every night.
6. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Physics is still trembling.
7. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer…
Too bad he’s never cried.
8. When Chuck Norris does a push-up…
He doesn’t lift himself up; he pushes the Earth down.
9. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg…
Just by glaring at it.
10. Chuck Norris doesn’t need GPS…
He decides where he is.
11. Chuck Norris can build a snowman…
Out of rain.
12. When Chuck Norris enters the ocean…
Sharks swim to land.
13. Chuck Norris once ate an entire cake…
Before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.
14. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
No interpreter required.
15. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
He also eats it for dessert.
16. Chuck Norris can win Connect Four…
In only three moves.
17. Ghosts sit around campfires telling Chuck Norris stories.
Who’s the real fear factor now?
18. Chuck Norris can kill two stones…
With one bird.
19. When Chuck Norris steps on a LEGO…
The LEGO feels the pain.
20. Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death…
He wins fair and square.
21. When Chuck Norris enters a zoo…
The animals put themselves in cages.
22. Chuck Norris counted to infinity…
Backwards.
23. The Grim Reaper has a “Chuck Norris Clause.”
It says to never, under any circumstances, meet Chuck Norris.
24. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch…
He decides what time it is.
25. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd…
No one fools Chuck Norris.
26. Chuck Norris once stared at the sun…
And the sun blinked first.
27. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger…
It’s a countdown.
28. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
And make it bounce.
29. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King…
And got one.
30. Chuck Norris can drown a fish…
With a stare.
31. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
They can’t handle the intensity.
32. When Chuck Norris does math homework…
The problems solve themselves.
33. Chuck Norris can extinguish a fire…
By telling it to “stop.”
34. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin…
And giraffes were born.
35. Chuck Norris’ computer doesn’t have a “Ctrl” key…
Because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
36. Chuck Norris can speak Braille…
Without lifting a finger.
37. Chuck Norris makes Happy Meals cry…
Just by looking at them.
38. Bigfoot believes in Chuck Norris…
And hides tracks to avoid him.
39. Chuck Norris once won a staring contest…
With his eyes closed.
40. Chuck Norris can solve a Rubik’s cube…
With one hand and a glance.
41. Chuck Norris’ shadow can bench press 500 pounds…
Without breaking a sweat.
42. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin…
Permanently.
43. Chuck Norris can hear you thinking…
Even before you think it.
44. In rock-paper-scissors with Chuck Norris…
He always wins.
45. Chuck Norris once beat Superman in an arm-wrestling match…
With his pinky.
46. There’s no theory of evolution…
Only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
47. Chuck Norris can clean windows…
From the outside of outer space.
48. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet…
And without looking.
49. Chuck Norris once kicked a 30-yard field goal…
With a bowling ball.
50. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet…
He scares the crap out of it.
51. When Chuck Norris does cardio…
The treadmill runs to keep up.
52. The dinosaurs didn’t go extinct…
Chuck Norris just got bored with them.
53. Chuck Norris can play the violin…
With a piano.
54. Chuck Norris plays solitaire…
With other people.
55. Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game…
Without a bowling ball.
56. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep…
He waits.
57. When Chuck Norris walks through a forest…
The trees weep sap and step aside.
58. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a tornado…
And set it straight.
59. When Chuck Norris gives you directions…
You arrive instantly.
60. Chuck Norris can finish a “Where’s Waldo” book…
In one glance.
61. Chuck Norris can kill time…
And make it beg for mercy.
62. Chuck Norris has never had a bad hair day…
His hair knows better.
63. Chuck Norris’ sweat doesn’t make you dirty…
It makes you clean.
64. Chuck Norris doesn’t have a middle name…
Nothing stands between Chuck and Norris.
65. Chuck Norris once pulled a truck uphill…
Without using his arms or legs.
66. Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick…
Your problems away.
67. Chuck Norris can light a fire…
By rubbing two ice cubes together.
68. Chuck Norris’ smile can melt metal…
So he keeps it under control.
69. Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse…
And that’s how unicorns were born.
70. Chuck Norris doesn’t need an umbrella…
The rain knows better.
71. Chuck Norris can split atoms…
With his bare hands.
72. Lightning strikes Chuck Norris…
Because it can’t catch him.
73. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe…
He holds air hostage.
74. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris…
Is Chuck Norris himself.
75. Chuck Norris once sneezed…
And caused a solar eclipse.
76. Chuck Norris once shot down a plane…
By pointing and saying “Bang.”
77. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand…
And the universe applauds.
78. Chuck Norris’ punches are so fast…
They arrive yesterday.
79. Chuck Norris can play Jenga…
With the pieces still in the box.
80. Chuck Norris once swam across the Atlantic…
Just to get fresh milk.
81. Chuck Norris can fix a broken GPS…
By telling it where it needs to go.
82. Chuck Norris doesn’t open pistachios…
They open themselves out of respect.
83. If Chuck Norris were a vegetable…
He’d be a roundhouse-kick-pepper.
84. Chuck Norris wrote a book of facts…
But no one survived to read it.
85. Chuck Norris can karate chop your Wi-Fi signal…
And make it faster.
86. Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for gifts.
Every year.
87. When Chuck Norris gets a sunburn…
The sun apologizes.
88. Chuck Norris can hear a pin drop…
From five miles away.
89. Chuck Norris bends the spoon…
Just by thinking about it.
90. Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick…
Through a telephone line.
91. Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in slaughter…
But it’s no laughing matter.
92. Chuck Norris’ handshake is so strong…
It’s a legally binding contract.
93. Chuck Norris doesn’t have good reflexes…
The world just moves according to his will.
94. When Chuck Norris wants to scare you…
He just smiles.
95. Chuck Norris can parallel park…
In reverse, without turning his head.
96. Chuck Norris can win at Tic-Tac-Toe…
Even when he goes second.
97. When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly…
The bank pays him.
98. Chuck Norris can lift an airplane…
While it’s in flight.
99. Chuck Norris doesn’t bake…
His glare alone cooks it through.
100. Chuck Norris’ reflection doesn’t mirror him…
It tries, but it knows better.
Ready for more unstoppable Chuck Norris humor?
Chuck Norris jokes have a way of sweeping into your day like a roundhouse kick of comedy! Hopefully, you had as much fun reading as we had whipping up these side-splitting jokes. Found one that knocked you off your feet? Share it with a friend or family member who could use a good laugh.
Don’t let the humor stop here—bookmark our site for a steady stream of jokes that pack a punch and check back often for more thigh-slapping content. There are always new laughs waiting to be discovered!
