If you’re a fan of football, it’s likely that you have an opinion about Cristiano Ronaldo. Whether it’s an admiration for his undeniable talent or a chuckle at one of his trademark celebrations, Ronaldo boasts a larger-than-life persona that’s impossible to ignore. And what better way to celebrate such a dynamic figure in football than with a collection of jokes?
Here’s a super fun fact: Ronaldo once jumped higher than an NBA player to score a goal, making him practically a superhuman. The following jokes will make you laugh so hard, you’ll wish you had his leg muscles! Prepare for some good-natured laughs about one of football’s biggest stars.
Table of the Best Cristiano Ronaldo Jokes
1. Why did Cristiano Ronaldo bring a pencil to the match?
To draw a penalty!
2. What does Ronaldo do before going to bed?
He scores a dream goal!
3. Why did Ronaldo go to art school?
To learn how to draw the perfect free-kick!
4. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite type of computer?
A GOALS (Graphically Oriented Language Script)!
5. Why did Ronaldo bring string to the game?
To tie the score!
6. How do you know Ronaldo is tired?
He starts passing the ball!
7. What does Ronaldo and a magician have in common?
They both specialize in hat tricks!
8. Why did Ronaldo worry about dating?
Because he kept breaking hearts on the pitch and off!
9. How does Ronaldo play soccer in the dark?
With a glow-in-the-goal ball!
10. What did Ronaldo say when he broke up with his girlfriend?
“It’s not you, it’s Messi!”
11. Why did Ronaldo go to school?
To learn how to handle the pressure!
12. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite part about going to the beach?
Scoring sand goals!
13. Why did the goalie bring Ronaldo flowers?
To apologize for ruining his clean sheet!
14. What instrument does Ronaldo play?
The GOAL-gong!
15. Why did Ronaldo visit the bank?
To check his balance after scoring so many goals!
16. How does Ronaldo start his workday?
With a goal call!
17. Why did Ronaldo bring sunscreen to the match?
To protect himself from his own spotlight!
18. What’s Ronaldo’s worst subject in school?
Not math, he knows all about scoring!
19. Why did Ronaldo cross the road?
To get to the showdown!
20. How does Ronaldo like his eggs?
Scored and fried!
21. Why does Ronaldo make a bad fisherman?
He can’t resist netting a big one!
22. How does Ronaldo keep his team motivated?
By goal setting!
23. What’s the difference between Ronaldo and a calendar?
Ronaldo scores more than once a week!
24. Why did Ronaldo bring a ladder to the game?
To reach new heights with his headers!
25. What do you call Ronaldo as a philosopher?
A GOALfucius!
26. Why did Ronaldo join a band?
To hit high notes like his shots!
27. How do you know Ronaldo is a great chef?
Because he can score a perfect ten every time!
28. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite holiday?
GOALoween!
29. Why does Ronaldo never get lost?
He always finds the back of the net!
30. How does Ronaldo relax?
By kicking back with a cool goal drink!
31. Why did Ronaldo get a job at the zoo?
To teach the lions how to roar with every goal!
32. What’s the best gift for Ronaldo?
A calendar full of goal days!
33. Why does Ronaldo make a great detective?
He always finds his mark!
34. Why do cameras love Ronaldo?
Because he’s always in the frame!
35. How do you describe Ronaldo’s singing voice?
It’s pitch perfect!
36. What’s Ronaldo’s fitness secret?
Goal-up classes!
37. Why is Ronaldo good at math?
Because he can always add up the goals!
38. How do Ronaldo fans like their coffee?
Goal-den roasted!
39. Why did Ronaldo visit an aquarium?
To learn how to dive!
40. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite ice cream flavor?
Scorela!
41. How does Ronaldo read a map?
By finding the goalD coordinates!
42. Why did Ronaldo start a construction company?
To build winning teams!
43. What do you get with Ronaldo and a ballerina?
Goal-et performances!
44. Why did Ronaldo go to space?
To score goals among the stars!
45. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite science subject?
Goal-ometry!
46. Why does Ronaldo always carry a notebook?
To jot down his goal ideas!
47. How do you catch Ronaldo on a diet?
Eating goal-etless chips!
48. Why did the chicken admire Ronaldo?
Because he never chickened out of a goal attempt!
49. Why does Ronaldo never get caught in a storm?
Because he dances between the raindrops like his defenders!
50. Why did Ronaldo bring his own cutlery to a restaurant?
To tackle his food!
51. Why doesn’t Ronaldo play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding from the GOAT!
52. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite bedtime story?
Golden goals and clean sheets!
53. How does Ronaldo respond to internet trolls?
He lets his goal record do the talking!
54. Why did Ronaldo become an actor?
To dribble through Hollywood!
55. Why does Ronaldo never have writer’s block?
Because his life is full of goal-worthy content!
56. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite fruit?
Goal-den apples!
57. Why does Ronaldo always smile for pictures?
Because he’s always ready for a goal moment!
58. How did Ronaldo celebrate his birthday?
With a goal-fest!
59. What does Ronaldo listen to in his car?
Goal-dies!
60. Why did Ronaldo buy a pet dog?
To practice his goal commands!
61. Why does Ronaldo enjoy gardening?
Because every goal blossoms!
62. What’s Ronaldo’s favorite board game?
Goal-poly!
63. Why did Ronaldo start a fashion line?
To make stylish goal statements!
64. What’s Ronaldo’s ultimate relaxation routine?
Scoring a chill-out goal!
65. How does Ronaldo always arrive at parties?
Fashionably goal-late!
66. Cristiano Ronaldo walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a water with lemon. The bartender, recognizing him, says, “Water? No fancy cocktail for the world’s greatest footballer?”
Ronaldo smirks and replies, “I don’t need fancy drinks. I’m already refreshing enough.”
The bartender chuckles and asks, “So, what brings you here tonight?”
Ronaldo leans back, gives a sly smile, and says, “Just waiting for Messi to show up so I can remind him that while he may have won more Ballon d’Ors, I’ve got more abs.”
Just then, Messi walks in, overhearing the conversation. Without missing a beat, he says, “That’s okay, Cris. I may not have your abs, but I’ve got a World Cup.”
Ronaldo pauses, then grins, “Touché.”
67. Cristiano Ronaldo walks into a bar, orders water with lemon, and says, “Just hydrating.”
The bartender replies, “You’re in a bar, Cristiano, not a halftime break!”
68. Ronaldo and Messi were stuck in an elevator. Messi says, “Well, this is awkward.”
Ronaldo replies, “Not as awkward as your Ballon d’Or count next year!”
69. Cristiano Ronaldo meets Tom Brady. Tom says, “Man, you’re great at kicking the ball.”
Ronaldo smirks, “You’re not so bad yourself… for someone who uses his hands!”
70. Why did Ronaldo take a dictionary to training?
Because he wanted to make sure everyone knew the real meaning of “GOAT.”
71. Cristiano Ronaldo was asked to star in a movie about his life. He said, “Why would I act? I’ve already been acting like the world’s best for years!”
72. Why did Ronaldo go to outer space?
Because there was no competition left for him on Earth—he’s already reached the stars!
73. Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimović walk into a room, and the room says, “Sorry, but there’s only enough space for one ego.”
Zlatan leaves, saying, “I’ll let the kid have his moment.”
74. Why don’t Ronaldo and Neymar ever hang out?
Because Ronaldo dives into greatness, and Neymar dives into grass.
75. When asked what he would do if he wasn’t a footballer, Ronaldo said, “Well, I guess I’d still be famous—just for looking this good.”
Laugh out loud and share the fun!
We hope you enjoyed these Cristiano Ronaldo jokes as much as we enjoyed putting them together. Humor is a great way to bring football fans together, and there’s no better subject for a good laugh than one of the sport’s brightest stars. If these jokes scored a goal in your heart, share them with your fellow football lovers, bookmark our website, and keep the laughter rolling!
