Ahoy there, joke lovers! If your idea of smooth sailing involves rolling waves of laughter, you’re in the right place. There’s something about cruises that brings out the comedian in all of us—maybe it’s the swaying, the endless buffets, or the fact that you’re stuck on a giant floating hotel with nothing but time to kill!
Here’s a fun fact to kick things off: the term “cruise” comes from the Dutch word “kruisen,” meaning “to cross,” which explains why we’re crossing paths with so much marine mirth today! Now that you’re on board, let’s set sail into humor territory.
We’ve curated the ultimate list of cruise jokes that are funnier than a sea lion trying to hop into a lifeboat. From portholes to portmanteaus, you’re about to enjoy some tidal waves of jokes!
Whether you’re an experienced cruiser or someone who’s just dipping their toes into the world of cruise liners, these jokes will have you chuckling all the way to the Lido deck. So, grab your captain’s hat and let the cruise humor begin.
Table of the Funniest Cruise Jokes
1. Why couldn’t the cruise ship play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck!
2. What’s a cruise ship’s least favorite kind of music?
Rock!
3. Why do cruise ships never get lost?
They always follow their “seas”!
4. How do cruise ships keep their staff entertained?
They let them go overboard with the fun!
5. What did the ocean say to the cruise ship?
Nothing, it just waved.
6. Why don’t fish take cruises?
Because they’re already in schools!
7. What happens when two cruise ships collide?
They have a real “stern” conversation afterward!
8. Why was the whale such a bad cruise entertainer?
Because all it did was sing flat notes!
9. How does a cruise ship greet the other ship it docks next to?
“Long time no sea!”
10. What do you call a cruise where everyone is bored?
A yacht of nothing.
11. Why did the lobster blush on the cruise?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
12. Why do cruise ships always know how to navigate?
They’re pro”peller”ed by years of experience!
13. Why do cruise ship chefs make the best seafood pasta?
Because they cook it in their mussel!
14. What did the crew member say to the fish who came aboard?
“Cod you not?”
15. Why was everyone on the cruise talking to the ocean?
Because it’s deep!
16. What’s a cruise captain’s favorite meal?
Anything from the “see”food buffet!
17. How did the cruise ship win the stand-up comedy contest?
It delivered ship-shape punchlines!
18. What’s the difference between a sailor and a pirate?
The sailor knows his knots; the pirate knows what’s “knot” his!
19. Why did the cruise ship apply for a job?
It wanted to make some waves in the industry!
20. Why can’t ships ever keep secrets?
Because the ocean leaks everything!
21. What did one cruise ship deck chair say to the other?
“Life’s a beach, let’s sit back and relax.”
22. Why don’t captains ever get scurvy?
Because they have a strong vitamin sea-routine!
23. Why did the jellyfish refuse to go on the cruise?
Because it was all washed up.
24. How did the sailor address the problem on his cruise ship?
He tackled it “hull”-heartedly!
25. What did the ocean do when it lost its temper?
It gave everyone the cold shoulder!
26. What’s a cruise without Wi-Fi?
Just a ship that’s searching for signal.
27. Why don’t cruise ships ever argue?
They like to keep things calm and current.
28. What do you call a cruise ship’s bedtime story?
A sea-quel.
29. Why did the cruise ship captain always carry a pencil?
In case he “ran” aground!
30. What’s a cruise ship captain’s favorite knot?
A slipknot—because it’s easy to get out of!
31. What’s a cruise ship’s favorite TV show?
Anything that’s streaming!
32. Why did the sea sponge buy a ticket for the cruise?
To soak up the views.
33. Why did the life preserver start a podcast?
It knew how to keep the conversation afloat!
34. Why did the cruise ship keep checking its watch?
It was trying to stay on tide (time)!
35. Where do all the best cruise ships sleep?
At anchor-itage!
36. How do you recognize an extravagant cruise liner?
By its ship-shape crew!
37. Why was the cruise ship so good at poker?
Because it always had “decks” up its sleeve!
38. What did the octopus bring to the cruise?
Plenty of arms for the lifeboats!
39. How do cruise captains stay in shape?
They do all their squats on the poop deck!
40. Why do cruise ships never sink in a hurricane?
Because they’ve mastered the art of high-seas balance!
41. What type of waves never break on a cruise ship?
Microwaves!
42. Why don’t sharks attack cruise ships?
They prefer moving targets.
43. What did the entertained passengers say after the show?
“That performance was ship-tacular!”
44. What’s a cruise ship’s favorite class in school?
History, because it’s always looking for time in port.
45. Why don’t cruise ships like surprises?
Because they prefer to be “on the level”-headed side.
46. What’s a pirate’s least favorite part of a cruise?
The chores—nobody likes mopping the deck!
47. How does a sailor apologize?
They say, “I shore-ly didn’t mean it!”
48. Why are cruises the most peaceful vacation?
Because people tend to go overboard with relaxation.
49. Why did the captain join art school?
So he could learn to draw a crowd!
50. How does a ship listen to podcasts?
On blue“tooth” technology!
51. Who keeps the best time on a cruise ship?
The sea-conds mate.
52. Why did the cruise ship owner start a bakery?
Because he had a “knead” for dough!
53. What kind of bagels do cruise ship crews prefer?
Ship-topped bagels!
54. Why did the anchor blush?
Because someone dropped it unexpectedly!
55. What do you call a pirate on a cruise?
A pick-pocket with a view!
56. Why did the crew put sunscreen on their ships?
In case of sunken costs.
57. Why did they send the ship to therapy?
Because it had too many waves of emotion.
58. What do you get when you cross a cruise ship with a basketball?
Dunking on the high-seas!
59. Why don’t cruises work during thunderstorms?
Because it’s hard to ship-shake things up in lightning!
60. What’s a cruise’s favorite social media?
Sea-gram!
61. Why do jellyfish love cruise ships?
They love to go with the flow.
62. What do you call a party on a cruise ship?
A hull of a time!
63. How does a lifeboat say goodbye?
“See you on the flip side!”
64. What was the dolphin’s favorite part of the cruise?
The ship’s wakeboarding class!
65. Why does the ship captain always bring an umbrella?
In case his jokes don’t land—they “sea” the rain coming!
66. Who is the most charismatic cruise?
Tom Cruise!
Keep cruising with laughter and share the fun!
We hope these cruise jokes have kept your spirits high and your sense of humor afloat! If these jokes brought a smile to your face, why not continue spreading the laughter? Share these cruise gems with your fellow travelers or bookmark this page for when you need another laugh. Keep sailing the fun seas with us at jokeandpun.com, and don’t forget to come back for more tide-turning humor!
