100 Greatest Jokes of All Time That Never Get Old

Are you in need of a good laugh? Well, look no further! We have compiled a list of the greatest jokes of all time that never get old. These timeless classics are sure to have you rolling on the floor with laughter.

From puns to one-liners to clever wordplay, these jokes of all time cover all bases and are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. So sit back, relax, and get ready to chuckle your way through our list of the best jokes ever told!

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Science and Wordplay

1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
2. Two antennas got married. The wedding was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
4. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
5. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Career and Work-Life

6. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
7. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
8. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.
9. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! But the award ceremony was weird because all the crows showed up.
10. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Classic Comedy

11. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
13. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
14. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
15. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Quirky Queries

16. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
17. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
18. Why did the orange stop rolling? It ran out of juice.
19. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
20. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Fun with Food

21. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
22. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
23. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
24. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
25. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Relationship Riddles

26. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
27. My friend keeps saying, “Cheer up, it could be worse.” So I cheerfully told him his wife’s been cheating for months. Things are looking better now, see?
28. A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
29. My wife’s cooking is so terrible, we usually pray after our food.
30. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Twisted Logic

31. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
32. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
33. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.
34. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 (ate) 9. But why did 7 eat 9? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
35. “How do you make a tissue dance?” “Put a little boogie in it!”

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Pondering Puns

36. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
37. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
38. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast.
39. Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other replies, “I’m a big metal fan.”
40. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Playful Paradoxes

41. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it!
42. Don’t spell ‘part’ backwards. It’s a trap.
43. A day without sunshine is like, night.
44. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
45. “So what if I don’t know what ‘apocalypse’ means!? It’s not the end of the world!”

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Humorous Reflections

46. Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley. One was a-salted.
47. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
48. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
49. People say I have no sense of direction but that’s not where I’m heading at all.
50. Some people think prison is a revolving door. But it goes both ways – sometimes you’re on the inside, sometimes the outside.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Wordplay Wonders

51. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato.
52. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
53. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
54. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Social Situations

56. Why did the scarecrow love his job? Because he was outstanding in his field. However, he was also a little corny.
57. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
58. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
59. A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian, and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
60. A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Comical Inquiries

61. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
62. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
63. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King-fish.
64. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast.
65. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Odd One-Liners

66. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
67. Who’s going to call the police when your iPhone is stolen? I “Phone” the police.
68. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
69. I tried to catch some fog yesterday. I mist.
70. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

Greatest Jokes of All Time: Playful Ponderings

71. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
72. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up.
73. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
74. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
75. A man goes to the doctor and says, “Every time I touch my arm, it hurts. When I touch my leg, it hurts. My head, it hurts!” The doctor replies, “Sir, you’ve broken your finger.”
76. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
77. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea! (Get it? No eye-deer)
78. Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do, you’ll be a mile away and have their shoes.
79. My girlfriend left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working. I’m leaving.” I’m not quite sure what she was talking about. The fridge is working fine!
80. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, actually it’s more of a wrap.
81. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
82. I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming, especially the seconds.
83. Why was the broom always grumpy? …It was constantly being swept under the rug.
84. How do trees access the internet? …They log in.
85. Why did the tomato blush? …Because it saw the salad dressing.
86. What’s the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut? …About two weeks.
87. What kind of music do planets listen to? …Nep-tunes.
88. Why did the pig stop sunbathing? …He was bacon in the heat.
89. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? …Bison.
90. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? …Live stream.

Final Fun

91. A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. His wife looks at him in disbelief and says, “Where did you get that pig?” The man smiles and says, “This isn’t a pig, it’s a duck!” His wife shakes her head and says, “I was talking to the duck.”
92. A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
93. A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
94. A man was driving when he saw a sign offering “Bulldogs for Sale.” He pulled over and went to the farmhouse. “Have you got any good bulldogs?” he asked the farmer. “Well,” said the farmer, “it depends on what you want to do with him. See that pile of wood out there? That bulldog could chew his way through that in two days.” The man was impressed, but said he’d think about it. A little further down the road, he saw another sign saying “Puppies for Sale.” He pulled over and asked the farmer, “What kind of puppies have you got?” The farmer replied, “Well, I’ve got a whole litter of bulldogs.” “Bulldogs?” asked the man. “That fellow up the road told me his bulldog could chew up a whole pile of wood in two days…” “Oh yeah,” replied the farmer, “that’s right. That was their father.”
95. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits there, he asks the bartender, “How much will that be?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
96. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
97. My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
98. A man calls tech support and says, “My keyboard stopped working.” The tech says, “Are you sure it’s plugged in?” The man says, “No, I didn’t plug it in because it’s wireless!” The tech sighs and says, “Maybe that’s why the battery’s dead?”
99. A man told his doctor, “Doc, I think I’m shrinking.” The doctor asked, “How can you be sure?” The man replied, “Just yesterday, my shirt was too big for me!” The doctor thought for a moment and asked the man to get undressed for an exam. After a quick check, the doctor exclaimed, “You’re absolutely right, you ARE shrinking! Let me give you my card, here’s a tailor who can help.”
100. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

What’s Your Greatest Jokes of All Time?

We hope you enjoyed our list of the greatest jokes of all time that never get old! Whether you’re a fan of puns, one-liners, or clever wordplay, there’s something for everyone on this list. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, so be sure to share these jokes with your friends and family to spread the joy.

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