You’ve seen them on TV, you’ve heard about them in the news, but now it’s time to laugh about them on the internet. Kim Kardashian, the queen of reality TV and social media, has provided us with ample entertainment over the years.
But beyond her iconic presence, there’s an endless treasure trove of Kim Kardashian jokes that capture her larger-than-life persona perfectly. Before you dive into these hilarious one-liners, did you know that Kim Kardashian is the highest-paid reality TV star of all time?
Read on for some Kim Kardashian laughs that are sure to go viral!
Table of the Funniest Kim Kardashian Jokes
1. Why does Kim Kardashian never get lost?
She always follows the contour lines.
2. Why did Kim Kardashian go to the art supply store?
She heard the canvases were high-definition.
3. Why did Kim Kardashian join a gym?
To keep up with her assets.
4. Why is Kim Kardashian such a good friend to hang out with?
She never gets “tired” of selfies.
5. Why did Kim Kardashian break up with geometry?
She couldn’t handle the angles without filters.
6. Why is Kim Kardashian terrible at math?
She’s always over-dividing attention.
7. What’s the Kardashians’ favorite board game?
Monopoly, because they’re always buying properties.
8. Why won’t Kim Kardashian ever get a normal job?
Because she’s paid too much to be herself.
9. Why did Kim Kardashian study marine biology?
She wanted to make a splash in a new field.
10. What’s Kim Kardashian’s favorite exercise?
Flexing… on Instagram.
11. Why did Kim Kardashian bring a ladder to the party?
To reach new heights on social media.
12. Why does Kim Kardashian love gardening?
Because she’s great at planting stories.
13. Why did Kim Kardashian take cooking classes?
To add more flavor to her Instagram feed.
14. What does Kim Kardashian use her mirrors for?
Practicing selfies, obviously.
15. Why did Kim Kardashian fail history?
She spent too much time re-writing it.
16. Why was Kim Kardashian a great student?
She aced all her selfies.
17. Why did Kim Kardashian visit NASA?
To teach astronauts how to take stellar selfies.
18. Why can’t Kim Kardashian play soccer?
Every time she enters the field, it becomes a “goal-scoring” zone.
19. How does Kim Kardashian stay grounded?
Gravity has a solid contract with her.
20. Why don’t architects like Kim Kardashian?
Too many curves to work with.
21. Why is Kim Kardashian always cool under pressure?
She’s got years of media training as her secret weapon.
22. What’s Kim Kardashian’s favorite kind of rap?
Gift wrap—she loves opening lavish presents.
23. If Kim Kardashian were a superhero, what would her power be?
Invisibility, but only when someone else is taking the photo.
24. Why did Kim Kardashian audition for a cooking show?
She wanted to prove that she can stir more than just drama.
25. Why did Kim Kardashian throw her computer out the window?
She wanted to check if it could filter real life.
26. Why won’t Kim Kardashian play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding from her followers.
27. Why is Kim Kardashian’s phone so smart?
It learns through her countless selfies.
28. Why doesn’t Kim Kardashian use a calendar?
Because she plans her life minute by minute on social media.
29. Why did Kim Kardashian get kicked out of the library?
She couldn’t stop taking shelfies with the books.
30. How does Kim Kardashian ruin a joke?
By posting the punchline before the setup.
31. Why did Kim Kardashian become an astronaut?
She wanted to take space-aged selfies.
32. What did Kim Kardashian say when she lost her camera?
“I feel so out of focus!”
33. Why does Kim Kardashian always carry a pen?
To sign autographs for herself.
34. Why did Kim Kardashian visit the North Pole?
To become an ice queen on Instagram.
35. Why are there no Kim Kardashian memes about getting up early?
Because she sets her alarm to follow Pacific Standard Famous Time.
36. Why does Kim Kardashian always order delivery?
It gives her time to post food selfies.
37. Why did Kim Kardashian invest in security cameras?
So she can take selfies of herself being taken selfies of.
38. What’s Kim Kardashian’s motto?
“Selfie first, think later.”
39. Why doesn’t Kim Kardashian need travel insurance?
Her fanbase would guide her home, no matter where she is.
40. Why does Kim Kardashian believe in reincarnation?
She’s always ready for her next life… on her next selfie.
41. How does Kim Kardashian relax?
By taking a spa-day selfie, naturally.
42. What’s Kim Kardashian’s least favorite type of weather?
Fog – it messes with her flawless selfies.
43. Why did Kim Kardashian get a new dog?
Her last one got camera shy.
44. What’s Kim Kardashian’s favorite dance move?
The “Selfie Snap.”
45. Why did Kim Kardashian hire a monologist?
To record her life-story, one post at a time.
46. Why doesn’t Kim Kardashian need GPS?
Her followers will always tell her where to go.
47. What subject did Kim Kardashian major in?
Selfie-economics.
48. Why did Kim Kardashian crash her computer?
Too many self-uploads.
49. Why did Kim Kardashian attend traffic school?
To perfect her ‘stop and pose.’
50. What happened when Kim Kardashian went snorkeling?
She discovered the true meaning of “deep dive.”
51. Why does Kim Kardashian read detective novels?
She loves finding out who gets framed.
52. Why did Kim Kardashian enter a science fair?
Her experiment on ‘selfie-reflection’ was groundbreaking.
53. What’s Kim Kardashian’s favorite magic trick?
Making time disappear with her captivating posts.
54. Why did Kim Kardashian get into fashion?
To beautifully sew herself into the fabric of society.
55. Why did Kim Kardashian start gardening?
To grow her Instagram followers.
56. How does Kim Kardashian handle stress?
By clicking and posting her worries away.
57. Why did Kim Kardashian attend a sea life exhibit?
To capture the perfect marine-themed selfie.
58. What’s Kim Kardashian’s least favorite saying?
“Behind the scenes”—because she’s always front and center.
59. Why did Kim Kardashian go on a silent retreat?
So she could hear the clicks of her camera echoing in peace.
60. How does Kim Kardashian prepare for a big event?
With 10 hours of selfies and 2 minutes of planning.
61. Why did Kim Kardashian host a scavenger hunt?
To find her lost sense of privacy.
62. Why does Kim Kardashian never wear a disguise?
Because she’s allergic to being unrecognizable.
63. Why did Kim Kardashian refuse to visit a museum?
Too many still moments and not enough selfies.
64. What’s Kim Kardashian’s favorite kind of drama?
One that fits perfectly in 240 characters.
65. Why did Kim Kardashian hire a lifeguard?
To rescue her from drowning in self-obsession.
66. Why did Kim Kardashian stop using mirrors?
She found a better reflection… in her follower count.
67. Why did Kim Kardashian become a fashion icon?
So she could wear her fame as easily as she wears her clothes.
68. Why doesn’t Kim Kardashian play chess?
Because she only makes moves for the camera.
69. What did Kim Kardashian say when her phone died?
“I feel so powerless!”
70. Why did Kim Kardashian get her car custom-wrapped?
So it could match her Instagram aesthetic.
71. Why did Kim Kardashian visit a plastic surgeon?
To make her selfie game even more “uplifting.”
72. Why does Kim Kardashian avoid libraries?
Too many volumes, not enough filters.
73. Why did Kim Kardashian skip her workout?
Her selfie arm already got enough exercise.
74. Why did Kim Kardashian stay away from reality TV?
Because reality interferes with her brand.
75. What did Kim Kardashian say to her makeup artist?
“Let’s contour reality, one brushstroke at a time.”
76. Why did Kim Kardashian refuse to enter a marathon?
Kim signed up for a marathon once, but halfway through, she stopped for a selfie at every mile marker. By the time she reached the finish line, the race had already been over for two days. She said, “Why rush when the journey is so photogenic?”
77. How did Kim Kardashian survive being stranded on a desert island?
Kim found herself stranded on a desert island. Instead of panicking, she built a raft out of palm leaves and driftwood. But she didn’t leave right away—she spent a week taking sunset selfies first. Her caption? “Stranded, but never out of frame.”
78. Why did Kim Kardashian’s phone break up with her?
Kim’s phone decided to leave her. “I can’t handle the pressure,” it said. “All day, it’s selfies, selfies, selfies. I need space!” Kim just responded, “Don’t worry, I’ll upgrade to one that knows how to handle fame.”
79. Why did Kim Kardashian hire a body double?
Kim hired a body double to attend events for her. But instead of mingling, the double just stood in the corner taking selfies. When Kim found out, she said, “That’s why I hired you—for consistency!”
80. Why did Kim Kardashian write a book about philosophy?
Kim once wrote a book titled Selfie-ism: The Art of Living Through Lenses. It became a bestseller, but readers were confused because every page was just a different photo of her posing thoughtfully. Critics called it “deeply reflective… literally.”
81. What happened when Kim Kardashian tried to meditate?
Kim decided to meditate to find inner peace. But after five minutes, she opened her eyes, took out her phone, and whispered, “If no one sees me meditating, does it even count?” The next thing you know, #ZenKardashian was trending.
82. Why did Kim Kardashian buy a farm?
Kim bought a farm to “stay grounded,” but instead of growing crops, she spent all her time posing with the animals for Instagram. When asked how the farm was going, she said, “I’m raising awareness for… my new boots.”
83. Why did Kim Kardashian turn down a movie role?
Hollywood offered Kim a serious acting role, but she turned it down. “They wanted me to play a character who wasn’t obsessed with selfies,” she explained. “That’s just too unrealistic.”
84. Why did Kim Kardashian go on a digital detox?
Kim announced she was going on a digital detox. But after 10 minutes offline, she realized she missed her followers too much. Her comeback post? “I tried living without you all, but what’s the point of life without filters?”
85. What happened when Kim Kardashian tried to adopt a minimalist lifestyle?
Kim wanted to declutter her life, so she tried minimalism. She got rid of everything… except her phone, makeup collection, wardrobe, and, of course, her selfie stick. When someone asked if she felt lighter, she said, “I’m already down to my last 100 pairs of shoes!”
86. Why did Kim Kardashian quit hiking?
Kim tried hiking once, but after the first mile, she stopped to take a selfie with every tree, rock, and leaf. By the end of the day, she hadn’t made it past the parking lot. She said, “Nature moves at my pace, which is one filter at a time.”
87. How did Kim Kardashian handle a power outage?
During a blackout, Kim realized her phone had no battery. Panicking, she lit candles and took 20 emergency selfies by candlelight. When the lights came back on, she posted, “Even in the dark, I shine.”
88. Why did Kim Kardashian take a philosophy class?
Kim signed up for a college philosophy class. When asked why, she said, “I’ve mastered the art of posing—now I want to master the art of thinking deeply… about posing.”
89. Why did Kim Kardashian buy an island?
Kim bought an island for “privacy,” but instead of staying off the grid, she built a runway and invited photographers for 24/7 beach photo shoots. When asked why, she said, “Privacy means choosing your angles.”
90. What happened when Kim Kardashian tried to read a book?
Kim was spotted reading a book, but halfway through, she put it down and sighed, “I can’t believe this book doesn’t even have a selfie section.” She never picked it up again.
91. Kim Kardashian goes to a bar…
Kim Kardashian walks into a bar and orders a glass of water. The bartender asks, “Why just water, Kim?” She replies, “I’m on a liquid cleanse… of selfies. Need to hydrate the phone for my next upload.” After sipping her water and taking 35 selfies from every possible angle, she finally leaves—without tipping. Why? “Sorry, I only tip when the lighting is flawless.”
92. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Kim.
Kim who?
Kim Kardashian, and before I answer the door, let me fix my contour and grab my selfie stick.
93. Why did Kim Kardashian go to therapy?
Kim walked into therapy and said, “Doctor, I’m feeling a little empty inside.” The therapist nodded, waiting for her to elaborate. Kim continued, “My phone died, and I haven’t taken a selfie in over two hours.” The doctor prescribed a charger.
94. Kim Kardashian went skydiving…
Kim decided to go skydiving, but instead of pulling the parachute cord, she pulled out her phone mid-freefall to take a selfie. By the time she finally opened the parachute, she was inches from the ground. Her response? “Worth it! That mid-air shot is gonna break the internet.”
95. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Filter.
Filter who?
Filter your life, honey—Kim Kardashian’s Instagram never goes raw.
96. Kim Kardashian goes camping…
Kim tried camping once. After five minutes in the woods, she asked where the Wi-Fi was, complained about the lack of mirrors, and demanded someone bring a ring light for her tent. By the end of the night, she built a bonfire out of sticks—and used it to take “wilderness glow selfies.” She called the experience “life-changing,” though she left as soon as her battery hit 10%.
97. Why did Kim Kardashian try to cook?
Kim decided to cook dinner for her family, but after two hours, all she had was a burnt pan and a perfectly staged photo of herself pretending to chop vegetables. Her caption? “Chef in progress! #CookingGoals #FakeItTilYouBakeIt.” They ordered takeout.
98. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Surgery.
Surgery who?
Surgery’s tomorrow, sweetie—need to freshen up for more selfie angles.
99. Kim Kardashian at the gym…
Kim showed up at the gym in full makeup and designer workout gear. Instead of lifting weights or running on the treadmill, she spent 90 minutes positioning her yoga mat under the best lighting for a post-workout selfie. After “working out,” she left with a single bead of sweat on her forehead. Her caption? “Sweating for the likes.”
100. Kim Kardashian’s “NSFW” Confession…
Kim was at a photo shoot when a crew member asked, “Kim, what’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done?” She smiled and said, “Once, I posted a photo without editing it first.” The room fell silent in shock. “Just kidding,” she added. “I’d never do something that reckless!”
101. Why did Kim Kardashian break up with her boyfriend?
He told her he needed more “real connection”—she misunderstood and thought he meant Wi-Fi.
102. Why does Kim Kardashian always have candles in the bedroom?
She says it’s for setting the mood, but it’s really because soft lighting hides all the filter-free angles.
103. What’s Kim Kardashian’s idea of foreplay?
Adjusting the lighting, getting the right angle, and making sure the camera’s on… because, of course, the perfect selfie comes first.
104. Why don’t Kim Kardashian’s relationships last?
She says her partners don’t pay enough attention to her, but honestly, they just can’t keep up with her selfie game.
105. What’s Kim Kardashian’s safe word?
“Selfie,” because nothing ends a moment faster than needing to take one mid-action.
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