At the intersection of culture, coffee and cricket, Melbourne – Australia’s second most populous city unfailingly invokes charm and character. These Melbourne jokes aim to capture the essence of this enigmatic city, evoking a chuckle or two along the way.
Whether you’re a seasoned Melbournian, an Aussie at heart, or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, these jests are sure to keep you entertained with a healthy dose of that trademark Australian humour.
Table of the Best Melbourne Jokes
1. Why do Melbourne hipsters only use the microwave?
Because they don’t like anything that’s mainstream!
2. How does Melbourne solve its problems?
They “espresso” themselves!
3. Why did the Melbourne Cricket Ground get a time out?
Because it lost its patients!
4. What do you call a Melburnian who does well in school?
A grade ‘A’ussie!
5. Why don’t they play hide and seek in Melbourne?
Because good luck hiding when you’re always at a coffee shop!
6. What’s a Melburnian’s favourite beat?
The barista’s drumroll!
7. Why do Melburnians go to the beach?
For some “sand”wiches and “wave”accinos!
The humour in these Melbourne jokes enjoys coffee and cricket, the quintessential aspects of Melbourne life.
8. Why did the Melbourne hipster burn his tongue?
Because he drank his coffee before it was cool!
9. What’s a Melbournian’s favourite type of music?
Hip(star) Hop!
10. Why doesn’t Melbourne have a baseball team?
They’d espresso all other teams!
11. Why did the Melbournian take a ladder to the bar?
‘Cos he heard the drinks were on the house!
12. What do you call an Australian dog that can play the keyboard?
A bark-arranger!
13. Why did the footy player go to the bakery?
Because he kneaded the dough!
14. Why won’t Melbourne ever host the Winter Olympics?
Because everyone would be busy at the coffee shop, mate!
15. Why do trams never get lost in Melbourne?
Because they always follow the “tracks” of their tears!
16. How does a Melburnian choose his favourite footy team?
He follows his “latte” instinct!
17. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a Melbournian?
A jump-start in life!
18. Why are Melbournian students like kangaroos?
They both learn by leaps and bounds!
19. What’s a Melbournian’s favourite sporting event?
The “Cappu-chin-o”
20. What’s a Melbournian’s favourite dance move?
The coffee grind!
And the laughs continue –
21. How does a Melbournian answer the phone?
Bean awhile, how you brewing?
22. Why did the tram driver quit his job in Melbourne?
He was tired of the daily grind!
23. What’s the difference between a Melbourne hipster and a tree?
The tree has more branches.
24. What’s a Melbournian’s motto when it comes to music?
“Cup-accino tunes, brew-tiful lyrics!”
25. How does a Melbournian apologise?
Sorry mate, I didn’t ‘bean’ to!
26. Why do locals call Melbourne the coffee capital?
Because it’s always brewing up some fun!
27. How does a Melbournian flirt?
Are you from Melbourne? ‘Cause you just brewed my day!
28. Why are Melbourne roads always busy?
Because everyone is rushing to catch the next cup of coffee!
29. How does a Melbourne mother comfort her child?
There, there, don’t cry. You’re brew-tiful!
30. How does a Melbournian fight sleep?
By facing the “brew-tal” truth!
31. How do you spot a Melbournian?
By their bean-ie caps!
32. Why do Melbournians excel in Maths?
Because they know their “beans”!
33. What’s a Melbournian’s favourite season?
Spring, because it’s espresso-ly beautiful!
34. How does a Melbournian describe a sunny day?
A brew-tiful day in the neighbourhood!
35. What’s a Melbournian’s secret to happiness?
Sip happens, so just brew with it!
Ready for a ‘Cuppa’ More Melbourne Jokes?
If these jokes had you giggling like a kookaburra in the morning sun, then mark this page and keep coming back for more. With our vast collection of Melbourne Jokes, a hearty dose of laughter is never too far away. So share these with friends and family and spread the cheer in true-blue Melbourne style!
And while you’re at it, ‘put another shrimp on the barbie’ – it’s time to take time off and savour the lighter side of life Down Under. Now if all this talk of Melbourne has got you craving some delicious Aussie cuisine, why not book that flight to Melbourne and pack these jokes along for the ride?
