Laughter is regarded as the best medicine. As we all rev up for a fresh start, let’s infuse this New Year with hilarity and humor. Whether you’ve pledged to exercise more, blurt less, or simply maintain your healthy dose of procrastination, this list of 35 New Year’s Resolution jokes is guaranteed to get your optimism rolling.
Table of the Best New Year’s Resolution Jokes
1. “My New Year’s resolution was to lose 15 pounds. “
I only have 20 to go.
2. “Every New Year, I resolve to stick to my resolution. “
I’m quite honest, at least until January 3rd.
3. “Decided to make a resolution to fix all my problems.”
Then I remembered that procrastination is my problem.
4. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more assertive,”
if that’s okay with you guys.
5. “I was going to make a resolution to quit all my bad habits,”
but then it dawned on me – no one likes a quitter.
6. “I have the same New Year’s Resolution every year -“
to stop writing ‘last year’ as the date.
7. “I was going to make a resolution to stop talking to myself. “
But then I thought, that won’t be fair to my favorite conversationalist.
8. “I tried to make a resolution to procrastinate less, “
but then I decided to put it off until next year.
9. “My gym teacher asked me to make a resolution regarding fitness. “
I texted back, ‘Fit’nes whole pizza in my mouth.
10. “Made a resolution to exercise daily. “
It’s been grueling, spending the whole day jumping to conclusions.
And we’re halfway there! Our giggles being our guide, let’s continue to course through these lighthearted New Year’s Resolution jokes. If your stomach is aching so far, remember, that counts as an ab workout!
11. “I was going to make a New Year’s resolution, “
but then I realized I’m perfect just the way I am!
12. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop making excuses, “
but I can start it tomorrow.
13. “Resolutions are more about ‘resolving to think about it’ than ‘resolving to do it’.”
14. “My friend asked what my New Year’s resolution was. “
I said, ‘Same as always: 1080p!’
15. “New Year Resolution: Become a superstitious loner. “
Step 1: Avoid ladders.
Step 2: Avoid people.
16. “I made a resolution to read more. “
So, I put subtitles on my TV.
17. “My doctor asked me what my New Year’s health resolution was. “
I said, ‘To stop lying to my doctor?’
18. “How will I begin my New Year’s Resolution?”
In one Word: Tomorrow!
19. “Best part about my New Year’s Resolutions? “
There’s always next year.
20. “I made a resolution to stop arguing. “
So, this isn’t a joke, it’s an alternative fact!
21. “I have taken a vow not to eat any cake this year. “
Here’s hoping nothing bad happens to ‘pound-cake-2024@gmail.com
22. “This year, I have sworn to learn from my mistakes. “
Right after I figure out how to make the same mistake twice.
23. “Made a resolution to become a vegan, “
hence my new year motto: Lettuce romaine calm!
24. “This year, I made a New Year’s resolution to stop making resolutions.”
Shazam! Resolution completed.
25. “For this year, my resolution is to take up a new hobby. “
Seems like worrying about my resolutions should do the trick.
26. “My New Year’s resolution is to be more positive. “
I’m positive I won’t keep my New Year’s resolutions.
27. “Resolved to kick the habit of biting my nails. “
Now if I can also stop biting the sofa, I’ll be golden.
28. “I resolved to stop drinking. “
But I’m not about to quit cold turkey, so I’ll drink hot toddies instead.
29. “This year, I’m resolved to handle disappointments better. “
Starting with this list of resolutions.
30. “My resolution is to be less perfect, “
just so I can give people a chance to catch up.
31. “I resolved to become a morning person. “
Luckily, there’s no mention of which timezone!
32. “Resolution for the New Year: “
I will finally take laundry as something more than just the only time I buy detergent.
33. “I’ve decided to leave my past behind, “
so if I owe you money, I’m sorry, but you’re out of luck.
34. “This year I plan to come up with a more believable excuse for failing my New Year’s resolutions.”
35. “Decided to eat more hole foods this year. “
Starting with donuts.
Cheers to A Year Filled With Laughter
JokeandPun.com dares you to attempt to read these New Year’s Resolution jokes without cracking a smile. We believe that the best resolution for any year is to laugh more. Share these jokes with friends, family, or coworkers and spread the giggles.
Remember to bookmark our site and share the laughter with those around you. So, here’s raising a toast to a year sparkling with humor, puns, and hearty laughter! Let’s giggle our way to an unforgettable year!
