The Roman Empire might be long gone, but the humor from those ancient times can still tickle our funny bones today. Despite their grand architecture, significant historical impact, and epic battles, the Romans were not immune to the charms of a good joke.
Here, we present to you an arsenal of the funniest Roman jokes, like arrows of hilarity aimed right at your heart. Fun fact: Roman assemblies sometimes included jesters to keep the crowds entertained!
So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this legions-worth of ancient humor.
Table of the Funniest Roman Jokes
1. Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to mark Antony.
2. What’s a Roman’s favorite part of speech?
A conjunction — because it’s all about joining forces.
3. How do Romans do their hair?
With Caesar salad dressing!
4. What do you call a Roman emperor caught cheating?
Julius Sneezar.
5. Why did the Roman refuse to cross the road?
Because he was afraid he’d be theft-hand side.
6. What did the Romans use to clean their homes?
Broom and columns.
7. Why was the Roman Empire well-lit?
All the Nero lights!
8. What is a Roman’s favorite musical instrument?
Lut-us — Because they always want to be lute!
9. How did Romans communicate across the empire?
They roamed.
10. What do you call a lazy Roman?
A Procrastinator-us.
11. How do you stir a Roman cocktail?
With a gladiator.
12. What was the most popular Roman car?
A gladiator convertible.
13. What snack did the Romans bring to parties?
Grapenuts!
14. Why did the gladiator blush?
Because he saw the Colosseum sans drapery.
15. Why didn’t the Romans trust the bison?
Because they were always buffa-lone!
16. What’s a Roman’s secret weapon in the kitchen?
A stiring rod, of course.
17. What game do Romans play at the beach?
Romans and Sandals.
18. Why did the Roman librarian get promoted?
Because she was well-read.
19. What did the Roman soldier say to the hypochondriac?
Get Caesar to doctor about that.
20. Why was the Roman bad at soccer?
He couldn’t handle sudden shifts in the legion.
21. What do you call bread in Rome?
Loafus Maximus.
22. What do you call suspense in Ancient Rome?
Cliffhangus.
23. Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
For the glory of Rome!
24. What did the Roman do when he heard the joke about the Colosseum?
He fell flat as a brick.
25. How did Romans fight their colds?
With a dose of Julius sneeze.
26. Why did the Roman Empire fall?
Because they were overburdened with Grape Expectations!
27. What do you call a Roman house dog?
A muttus.
28. What did the Roman philosopher announce?
“I think, therefore I Rome.”
29. How are Roman music shows put together?
They’re orchestrated.
30. What did the Romans call smart folks?
Geniuses.
31. Why did Julius Caesar’s friend betray him?
Because he saw all the gains he was Brutus.
32. How do Romans find their lost pets?
They post gladiator “lost” signs.
33. What do Romans use for gym equipment?
Barbellus.
34. How are Roman spoofs written?
By Cicero and Quilliam.
35. Why did the Roman chef limit his ingredients?
He didn’t want it Italia’s buffet.
36. What do you say at a Roman math competition?
“I came, I saw, I calculated.”
37. Why was the Roman bad at running races?
He always lost at the final lapidus.
38. What musical number did Roman singers avoid?
Et-tood, Brute?
39. How did Romans keep their hair in place?
With Brutus gel.
40. What did the Romans write on their cakes?
“Happy Birthd-AE!”
41. Which Roman female warrior was best with a spear?
Gladiaatrix.
42. What did Roman sailors rely on?
Their ship navigators.
43. How do Romans keep secrets?
They keep it hushius.
44. Why did the Roman baker go broke?
He kneaded too much dough.
45. What did Romans call their morning card games?
Brunch Poker-us.
46. How do Romans get in touch?
Through Augustus text messages.
47. Why were Roman mosaics so popular?
They were piece-offering.
48. What did the Roman say when he heard a really good pun?
I’m captivated-us!
49. Why did Roman fish always swim upstream?
So they don’t end up as swordfish!
50. Why was Roman armor so important?
Because Rome wasn’t built on casual Fridays.
51. Why do Romans love plants?
They enjoy a good forum foliage.
52. Why did the Roman refuse to go to the dentist?
He feared the truth extraction.
53. What do you call a waterproof Roman coliseum?
Aquarium Maximus.
54. How did the Roman justify his joke-making?
He said, “All puns Rome to me.”
55. Why was Ancient Rome loved by all?
Because it was our Rome-mantic past!
Share the ancient laughs!
It’s said laughter is timeless, and we hope these Roman jokes have proven just that. Who knew the ancient empire had such a funny bone! So, don’t keep this comedic treasure to yourself.
Share with your friends, bookmark JokeandPun.com for more laughs, and let’s spread the joy of Roman humor far and wide. Your giggles could be contagious in the best way possible!
