100 Hilarious Secret Service Jokes to Make You Laugh Out Loud

Did you know that the Secret Service was established in 1865 as a part of the U.S. Treasury Department to combat the rampant counterfeiting of U.S. currency? Interestingly, it wasn’t originally created for presidential protection; that responsibility was added after the assassination of President William McKinley in 1901.

Beyond their serious duties, the Secret Service is also known for its legendary sense of humor. From dark humor to witty wordplay, they know how to protect and serve laughter. Dive into this collection of the funniest Secret Service jokes that poke fun at the guardians of the most powerful people in the world.

1. Why don’t Secret Service agents ever get lost? They always follow the president’s lead.
2. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite game? Follow the leader.
3. Why did the Secret Service agent bring a ladder to the party? To get over the president’s high expectations.
4. Why did the Secret Service agent sit on the watchtower? To keep an eye on the “time.”
5. How do Secret Service agents stay cool in the summer? They stay in the shadow of the president.
6. Why did the Secret Service agent go broke? He was always in charge but never had any change.
7. What do you call a Secret Service agent in the kitchen? A “counter” spy.
8. Why don’t Secret Service agents play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding from them.
9. How do Secret Service agents tell jokes? With a deadpan delivery.
10. Why did the Secret Service agent bring string to the briefing? To tie up loose ends.
11. Why was the Secret Service agent good at baseball? He was great at catching signals.
12. Why did the Secret Service agent take up gardening? He wanted to plant evidence.
13. How do Secret Service agents fix a broken heart? With classified love.
14. Why did the Secret Service agent fail art class? He couldn’t draw attention.
15. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite dessert? Surveillance cake.
16. Why did the Secret Service agent bring a net to the rally? To catch any off-guard moments.
17. Why was the Secret Service agent always calm? He knew how to defuse any situation.
18. How do Secret Service agents stay fit? By running interference.
19. Why do Secret Service agents never get tired? They’re always on high alert.
20. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite type of humor? Dark humor—it’s classified!
21. Why don’t Secret Service agents gossip? Because they know loose lips sink ships.
22. How do Secret Service agents write reports? In code, of course.
23. Why did the Secret Service agent bring a flashlight to the meeting? To shed light on the situation.
24. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite hobby? People-watching.
25. Why did the Secret Service agent get promoted? Because he took a bullet for the team.
26. How do Secret Service agents drink their coffee? With a shot of espresso.
27. Why did the Secret Service agent go to therapy? He needed to debrief.
28. Why did the Secret Service agent get a dog? To sniff out trouble.
29. How do Secret Service agents celebrate birthdays? With classified information and a surprise party.
30. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite movie? The Spy Who Loved Me.
31. Why did the Secret Service agent go to school? To learn the art of surveillance.
32. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite sport? Target practice.
33. Why don’t Secret Service agents play cards? Because they always keep their cards close to their chest.
34. How do Secret Service agents relax? With a glass of “intelligence” whiskey.
35. Why did the Secret Service agent write a book? To share his secret stories.
36. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite snack? Spy-ritos.
37. Why did the Secret Service agent take a nap? He was undercover.
38. How do Secret Service agents deal with stress? They take it one mission at a time.
39. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the zoo? To check out the “undercover” animals.
40. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite TV show? Mission: Impossible.
41. Why did the Secret Service agent become a comedian? He loved delivering deadpan jokes.
42. How do Secret Service agents communicate? With a secret handshake.
43. Why did the Secret Service agent bring a camera to work? To capture the “spy”-rit of the moment.
44. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite game show? Jeopardy, because it’s always a high-stakes situation.
45. Why did the Secret Service agent cross the road? To follow the president.
46. How do Secret Service agents stay sharp? By constantly training and staying alert.
47. Why don’t Secret Service agents wear bright colors? They prefer to stay in the shadows.
48. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite drink? Black coffee—it’s strong and reliable.
49. Why did the Secret Service agent start a band? He was great at keeping a low profile.
50. How do Secret Service agents keep secrets? They never spill the beans.
51. Why did the Secret Service agent take up knitting? To weave intricate plans.
52. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite car? A black sedan.
53. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the library? To check out some classified books.
54. How do Secret Service agents deal with boredom? They always have a mission to complete.
55. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the doctor? He was feeling “under cover.”
56. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite type of music? Jazz—it’s smooth and complex.
57. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the beach? To watch the “current” events.
58. How do Secret Service agents handle surprises? They always stay one step ahead.
59. Why don’t Secret Service agents play board games? They prefer strategic missions.
60. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite type of food? Stealthy stir-fry.
61. Why did the Secret Service agent take up photography? To capture every secret moment.
62. How do Secret Service agents stay focused? By always having a clear mission.
63. Why did the Secret Service agent get a cat? To practice stealth.
64. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite animal? The panther—silent and deadly.
65. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the amusement park? To ride the “intelligence” coaster.
66. How do Secret Service agents stay motivated? By protecting the president.
67. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the gym? To stay in peak physical condition.
68. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite time of day? Midnight—when the real action starts.
69. Why did the Secret Service agent take up painting? To master the art of deception.
70. How do Secret Service agents handle criticism? They deflect it like a pro.
71. Why did the Secret Service agent bring a magnifying glass to work? To inspect every detail.
72. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite holiday? April Fools’ Day—it’s all about surprises.
73. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the circus? To practice blending in with the crowd.
74. How do Secret Service agents handle difficult situations? With precision and calm.
75. Why did the Secret Service agent bring an umbrella? To protect the president from any storm.
76. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite book? The Spy Who Came in from the Cold.
77. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the aquarium? To study the art of camouflage.
78. How do Secret Service agents stay on top of their game? By constantly training and adapting.
79. Why did the Secret Service agent get a bird? To practice watching without being seen.
80. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite hobby? Solving puzzles.
81. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the park? To keep an eye on everything.
82. How do Secret Service agents stay invisible? By blending into the background.
83. Why did the Secret Service agent take up martial arts? To stay ready for any threat.
84. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite type of flower? The daisy—it’s simple but effective.
85. Why did the Secret Service agent go to the theater? To learn the art of disguise.
86. How do Secret Service agents handle high-pressure situations? With calm and composure.
87. Why did the Secret Service agent bring a flashlight? To shed light on any situation.
88. What’s a Secret Service agent’s favorite type of weather? Overcast—perfect for staying hidden.
89. Why did the Secret Service agent take up fishing? To practice patience.
90. How do Secret Service agents stay prepared? By always being one step ahead.
91. Why did the Secret Service agent cross the road with Donald Trump? Because he wanted to get away from the Twitter feed!
92. How does the Secret Service protect Kamala Harris at parties? By making sure she doesn’t get into a debate with the appetizers.
93. Why does the Secret Service carry Trump around like a football? Because he’s always trying to make a Hail Mary play with his policies.
94. What’s Kamala Harris’s Secret Service code name? “Prosecution,” because she’s always ready to lay down the law.
95. Why did the Secret Service build a wall around Trump’s speeches? To keep out the facts.
96. How do you know when Kamala Harris is joking with the Secret Service? When she asks if they have enough lawyers on standby.
97. Why does the Secret Service stay so close to Trump? To catch him when he falls for his own lies.
98. What’s the Secret Service’s biggest challenge with Kamala Harris? Keeping a straight face during her Senate hearings.
99. How does the Secret Service keep Trump from tweeting? They distract him with shiny objects – like a functioning economy.
100. Why does Kamala Harris need the Secret Service’s protection during debates? To shield her from all the compliments.

Get Protected with These Secret Service jokes

Whether you’re a fan of dark humor, witty wordplay, or just love a good laugh, these Secret Service jokes have got you covered. From their top-secret missions to their unparalleled sense of duty, Secret Service agents know how to take a joke and keep on protecting. So next time you see them in action, remember they’ve got a great sense of humor behind those serious faces.