If you’ve ever wandered through Times Square, you know the bright lights, the larger-than-life billboards, and the chaotic energy are almost begging for a bit of humor! And what’s a better way to bring humor to a city that never sleeps than to poke fun at the center of the Big Apple’s hustle and bustle?
Here’s a fun fact you may not know: on New Year’s Eve, over one million people gather in Times Square for the iconic ball drop! Imagine the wealth of puns and jokes just waiting to light up the New York skyline. So, whether you’re in Times Square physically or simply in spirit, humor is the ticket to making this city even more memorable.
Below, you’ll find the perfect collection of jokes and puns inspired by one of the world’s most famous intersections. Use these to amp up your social media posts, bring some fun to the group chat, or just brighten up your day, Times Square-style!
Ready to dive in? Here are Times Square jokes and puns to keep you laughing under the neon lights.
Table of the Funniest Times Square Jokes
1. Why was Times Square always the best listener?
Because it’s used to being “all ears” with everyone shouting at it from all corners!
2. What’s the best way to describe the jumbo screens in Times Square?
“Screen-sational!”
3. Why did the pigeon love Times Square?
Because every day there’s a “tweet” surprise!
4. Why did the traffic light refuse to date the billboard in Times Square?
It didn’t want to get into a “stop-and-glow” relationship.
5. How can you tell if someone in Times Square is a tourist?
They’re the ones looking up—and never watching their feet!
6. What did the muffin say while stuck in Times Square traffic?
“I’m just trying to rise above it!”
7. Why are Times Square pedestrians so fashionable?
Because they’re always on the cutting edge of walking trends.
8. What do taxi drivers in Times Square and magicians have in common?
They both know how to make time disappear!
9. How do you make a Times Square billboard laugh?
Show it a “flash mob”!
10. Why did the billboard go to the doctor in Times Square?
It had an “ad-nausea” condition after too many bright lights.
11. What would Times Square say if it had a personality?
“I’m a little square—but I’m full of charm!”
12. Why did the guy bring a ladder to Times Square?
He wanted to get a step ahead of the crowd!
13. How is Times Square like an inbox?
Full of spam everywhere!
14. What’s the favorite type of music in Times Square?
“Pop” culture hits, obviously!
15. Why didn’t Times Square ever get lonely?
Because it always had a crowd to lean on.
16. How did the billboard break up with the neon sign?
It said, “You’re just too flashy for me.”
17. What do you call a street that has too many lights but no common sense?
Times Square!
18. Why did the cop always look so tense in Times Square?
Because he had too much “arresting” to do.
19. What’s a tired tourist’s ultimate dream?
A bed in the middle of Times Square—sans the traffic jams!
20. What sushi roll do you always find in Times Square?
Manhattan(roll)…duh!
21. How does Times Square manage its crazy schedule?
It keeps a “24-hour energy” drink on hand at all times.
22. What song do Times Square performers love to sing on loop?
“I’m on top of the world” — because they practically are!
23. How did Times Square get in shape?
By doing lots of “sidewalk-ercise”!
24. What dessert best represents the constant rush of Times Square?
Fast-paced cheesecake—you can’t savor it too long!
25. What do you call Times Square without the lights?
“Time out!”
26. Why do New Yorkers never need a GPS in Times Square?
Because even the billboards have directions!
27. What’s the first thing you feel when stepping into Times Square?
Overwhelmed… by offers for knock-off watches.
28. What do out-of-town visitors in Times Square always say?
“What do you mean taxis don’t take cards?!”
29. Why is being in Times Square like being in an ad factory?
Because there’s “ads-solutely” everywhere!
30. Why do blinking lights in Times Square never get a break?
Because they have to keep up their blinking game strong!
31. What’s the best advice you’d give a Times Square lightbulb?
Shine bright, but don’t burn out too fast!
32. Why’s it always beautiful in Times Square?
Because the neon lights know how to “glow-up” for every occasion.
33. How many bright lights does it take to change a billboard?
None—Times Square’s just fine the way it is!
34. What do Times Square mascots do when they’re not working?
They “unmask and chill.”
35. What happened when the jumbotron went on a date with a digital billboard?
They had a bigger-than-life connection.
36. What’s a New Yorker’s worst fear about Times Square?
Getting caught in a tourist-trap conversation.
37. Why are Times Square billboards so gossipy?
They hear everything going on in the city!
38. How does Times Square stay cool during summer?
With a neon breeze!
39. Why do all the lights in Times Square look so confident?
They’re always in the spotlight.
40. How do you know Times Square is truly a city icon?
Because it lights up every night without fail!
41. What’s the Times Square version of a pick-up line?
“How ‘bout we grab a NYC pretzel together?”
42. Why don’t Times Square lights ever go on vacation?
Because staying lit is their full-time job!
43. What’s the bravest thing to do in Times Square?
Try to stop for a picture without getting bumped!
44. How did the subway become so close to Times Square?
They’ve been through ups and downs together!
45. Why don’t ghosts go wandering Times Square at night?
Too “bright” for them to haunt!
46. Where do Times Square mascots shop?
At “Cloak and Dagger”—for a quick costume change!
47. Why did the pigeons organize a strike in Times Square?
Because the tourists kept snubbing their crumb requests.
48. Why did the businessman say no business was happening in Times Square?
All the deals were stalled in traffic!
49. How do you know when Times Square is finally empty?
When the Elmo knock-offs call it a night!
50. What does Times Square do when it catches a cold?
Switches off some of the lights… you know, to conserve its glow.
51. What do Times Square commuters chant?
“Hurry up!” No matter what the situation!
52. What are Times Square’s favorite shoes?
Anything that can “stand out” on Broadway.
53. Why’s Times Square bad for introverts?
There’s nowhere to hide—from either the lights or the street performers!
54. What do Times Square pigeons call their vacation hangout?
Pigeon Park, just south of chaos.
55. Why do dogs love Times Square?
There’s always a hydrant nearby—in case of emergency.
56. Why can’t Times Square lights keep secrets?
Because they always “leak” everything onto the sidewalks.
57. What makes Times Square such a busy place?
Because deadlines are always staring down at you from above!
58. What instrument does Times Square play?
A “light orchestra.”
59. How do people know they’ve made it big in showbiz?
When their face appears 20 feet tall in Times Square.
60. Why do people in Times Square avoid wearing black?
So they don’t fade into the background!
61. Why don’t people sing karaoke in Times Square?
Because, honestly, the billboards are loud enough already!
62. What do Times Square performers love most?
An audience—no matter how distracted they are!
63. Why did the tourist cross the street in Times Square?
Because the light told them to!
64. Why are New Yorkers in Times Square impossible to surprise?
Because they’ve seen everything—twice!
65. What’s Times Square’s fitness secret?
Traffic dodging—it’s cardio on another level.
66. Where do you go when you’ve done it all in Times Square?
You haven’t—you just discover something new.
67. What’s the renowned Times Square diet?
Walking 20 blocks for bagels and barely eating them before another block calls.
68. Why did Times Square apply for a job?
It was ready to take ad-vantage.
69. How does Times Square react to slow walkers?
With flashing impatience!
70. What’s Times Square’s favorite social media app?
Instagram-a-million photos.
71. Why do Time Square street performers never give up?
Because they’re in a city where dreams (and audiences) never sleep!
72. Why did the tourist ask for Instafame in Times Square?
Because one picture in front of the lights could spark instant followers!
73. What do you call too much time spent in Times Square?
“I need a timeout!”
74. How does Times Square keep its digital clocks ticking?
With a lot of “watch and learn.”
75. Why did the guy run across Times Square?
He wanted to beat the “light show”!
76. Why do couples love taking pictures in Times Square?
Nothing says romance like dodging pedestrian traffic!
77. Why’s Times Square the king of skylines?
Because it knows how to “tower” over the competition.
78. How do you know you’ve been to Times Square too long?
When the lights start “talking” to you.
79. What’s a New Yorker’s guide to surviving Times Square?
Avoid looking up—and know the art of speedy sidewalk maneuvers!
80. How does Times Square inspire entrepreneurs?
By showing them that anything—yes, even neon shoes—can sell with enough lights.
81. Why is Times Square better than your living room TV?
Because who needs a remote when the ads change on their own?
82. Why do actors love Times Square?
They “perform extra” just by standing in the lights!
83. How do you define rush hour in Times Square?
A dash-and-dodge experience.
84. Why is Times Square perfect for indecisive eaters?
You can pick five restaurants, all next door, and still be lost in options.
85. What did one billboard say to the other in Times Square?
“Stop being a square and just glow with it!”
86. Why’s it impossible to feel bored in Times Square?
Because even the sidewalk performers are more unpredictable than reality TV.
87. When the lights go out in Times Square, what’s left?
A New Yorker rolling their eyes and getting on with the night.
88. Why is Times Square like caffeine for photographers?
The adrenaline flows faster than their camera shutters!
89. What happened when the Broadway show got stuck in Times Square traffic?
It became a “street performance!”
90. How do you know someone’s taken a picture in Times Square?
Their phone is dead—the flash drained it!
Share the fun: let your friends shine bright too!
If these Times Square jokes brought a laugh to your day, why not share the fun with a friend who totally gets your humor? There’s no better way to brighten your newsfeed than with a few neon-lit puns. Be sure to bookmark **jokeandpun.com** for more of the cleverest jokes around! Whether you’re reliving the chaos of Times Square or just need some big-city fun right at home, we’ll always have a fresh joke ready to go!
