Kendo may be a martial art rooted in tradition and discipline, but who says you can’t enjoy a hearty laugh between the strikes? Whether you’re a seasoned swordsman or a curious beginner, you’ll appreciate this collection of clever Kendo puns that cut straight to the funny bone. After all, in a sport where precision, timing, and focus are key, having a sharp sense of humor is an equally valuable skill!
Here’s a fun fact: Did you know that “Kendo” literally means “the way of the sword”? But today, we’re giving “the way of the sword” a comedic twist – so while we take our Kendō seriously (with a long, emphasized “ō”), we won’t be pulling any punches when it comes to puns.
Grab your shinai, adjust your bogu, and let’s slice into some swordplay humor!
Table of the Funniest Kendo Puns
1. Why did the Kendo practitioner refuse to fight the wind?
Because it was just blow-ding practice.
2. Why was the Kendo master always calm under pressure?
He knew how to keep his guard up!
3. What did the shinai say to the helmet during practice?
“I feel like we’re really getting ahead… of ourselves here.”
4. Why did the samurai go to therapy?
To work on his cutting remarks.
5. How do you know if a swordsman is telling the truth?
He’s being straight-forward.
6. Why can’t Kendo players play poker?
Because they never fold.
7. Why did the sensei give up Kendo?
He couldn’t cut it in class anymore!
8. What did the student say after a long practice?
“I’m sword of tired.”
9. Why was the wooden sword sent to detention?
For being too “splintered.”
10. When do Kendo practitioners become highway robbers?
When they take up fencing.
11. How do Kendo players greet each other?
With well-timed “strikes” of conversation.
12. Why does the bamboo sword have so many fans?
Because it’s a real cut above the rest!
13. Why was the Kendo teacher always full of energy?
He knew how to channel his ki!
14. What do you call it when a Kendo practitioner gets married?
Tied in a “knot” of tradition!
15. Why did the swordsman bring a pencil to class?
To always have a fine point to make.
16. What’s a Kendo practitioner’s favorite type of math?
Sword addition.
17. Why did the swordsman blush?
He saw his opponent waiting for an opening.
18. Why did the shinai attend self-defense classes?
It was tired of feeling so defeated.
19. How did the Kendo practitioner improve so quickly?
Practice made his “cuts” sharp!
20. Why does a Kendo practitioner never procrastinate?
Because they always strike when the moment’s right.
21. What’s a samurai’s favorite piece of furniture?
A cutting board.
22. Why did the student fail Kendo class?
He wasn’t very swordid.
23. Why did no one want to fight the Kendo player?
Because his record was un-shearable!
24. Why do Kendo matches always start on time?
Because each player knows it’s about the “present” moment.
25. What do you get when a Kendo practitioner becomes a chef?
Sword-sushi excellence!
26. Why do Kendo practitioners always get invited to parties?
They’re a “strike” hit.
27. What did the wooden sword say to the real one?
“Don’t try to cut me out of this!”
28. Why did the samurai study English?
To sharpen his “pun”ctuation.
29. Why was the Kendo match at midnight so unusual?
Because there was no dawning light of victory.
30. How do you describe a perfect Kendo match?
It’s all about hitting it on the keiko!
31. Why don’t Kendo players tell secrets?
Because they’re masters at cutting to the chase.
32. What does a Kendo player drink after a match?
Sword-a water.
33. Why did the Kendo player run across the room?
Because he needed to make a quick slash.
34. Why wasn’t the bamboo sword jealous of the real blade?
Because it knew that wisdom is sharper than steel!
35. What do Kendo practitioners do for fun on weekends?
They host sword games — always a “sharp” time.
36. Why was the Kendo player always fashionable?
Because they had an impeccable “style.”
37. Why did the practice sword avoid the real fight?
It didn’t want to get too edgy.
38. Why is mastering Kendo like baking bread?
Because it takes the right knead!
39. What did they call the Kendo practitioner who sang during practice?
The singing swordsmith.
40. Why are Kendo matches like bad internet service?
Because they’re full of strikes and no connections.
41. Why isn’t Kendo ever boring to watch?
It always ends with a sharp twist.
42. What was the swordsman’s favorite mode of transport?
A “slashing line” train!
43. Why did the Kendo player avoid the library?
Books weren’t sharp enough for his studies.
44. What do you call a Kendo tournament where everyone ties?
A sword draw.
45. Why was the samurai always carrying a notepad?
To jot down slashing ideas.
46. Why was the paper so nervous around the sword?
Because it always got cut off mid-sentence!
47. How did the Kendo sensei tell his good jokes?
With a pun-ishing blow.
48. Why do Kendo practitioners meditate before a match?
To sharpen their focus, inner peace, and edge.
49. Why did the referee get fired at the Kendo match?
Because his calls weren’t cutting it.
50. What do you call a careless Kendo player?
A slashing liability!
51. Why do Kendo players love puns?
Because they know how to make a pointed remark!
52. What’s a Kendo player’s favorite musical note?
A sharp, of course.
53. Why did the Kendo fighter buy a new belt?
Because his old one couldn’t hold his swordsmanship together.
54. How does a Kendo practitioner read the news?
By keeping a cutting edge on current events!
55. Why did the sword refuse to work?
Because it was feeling a little dull that day.
56. How do Kendo players stay in shape?
By keeping a blade-thin physique!
57. What did the dojo say to the new student?
Welcome to the “cutting edge” of martial arts.
58. Why was the Kendo match surprisingly zen?
Because both competitors had reached peak mindfulness.
59. Why didn’t the samurai go to the comedy club?
He couldn’t handle “cutting-edge” humor.
60. What do you call an indecisive Kendo player?
A fence’r.
61. Why don’t Kendo players use traditional swords all the time?
Because bamboo is just unbeatable!
62. What did the master tell the bumping beginner?
Mind your strikes—and your stance!
63. What was the Kendo enthusiast’s favorite dinner?
Slashed and mashed potatoes.
64. Why did the Kendo fighter wear shades?
Because his future was just too blindingly sharp.
65. How did the Kendo match end?
In a sword-standoff.
66. Why did the Kendo teacher love his students?
Because they were so striking!
67. What do Kendo enthusiasts call vacation time?
A perfect retreat—literally.
68. Why are Kendo practitioners so humble?
Because they know the value of keeping their sword grounded.
69. How do you compliment a great Kendo student?
“You really cut to the chase.”
70. Why does the Kendo sensei always expect the best?
Because nothing but blade-sharp skills will do.
71. What did the sword say at the talent show?
Prepare to be cut-impressed!
72. Why are wooden swords the best comedians?
Because they always deliver dead-pan humor.
73. Why did the Kendo student bring an umbrella?
To shield from unexpected strikes!
74. What’s a Kendo enthusiast’s favorite ice cream topping?
Sword sprinkles.
75. Why was the sparring match hilarious?
Because the puns were sword of amazing.
76. Why did the Kendo instructor become a poet?
Because his verses always struck home.
77. What did the sensei tell the ambitious student?
“Steel does not cut until it’s sharp.”
78. How do you know a Kendo player is a romantic?
They always say “my heart has been pierced.”
79. Why was the dojo floor slippery?
Too many cutting-edge moves!
80. Why was the swordsmith always laughing?
Because he had a steel sense of humor.
81. What’s a Kendo fighter’s favorite type of music?
Heavy metal, for the “sharp” notes.
82. Why did the bamboo sword break up with the real sword?
It felt too much pressure under steel expectations!
83. What’s a Kendo practitioner’s favorite fitness goal?
Becoming a cut above the rest.
84. Why do Kendo players love geometry?
Because they’ve mastered the art of striking the perfect angle.
85. What do you call a funny Kendo student?
A pun samurai!
Share these sharp-witted Kendo puns with your friends!
We hope these Kendo puns have given you a few hearty laughs (and maybe even inspired you to work on your own swordplay). Whether you’re practicing with your shinai or just looking for a way to lighten up your day, these jokes are sure to cut through the monotony.
If you enjoyed this witty collection, don’t keep them all to yourself—share this article with fellow Kendo practitioners and pun lovers! Be sure to bookmark us at *Jokeandpun.com* for even more hilarious content you’ll want to return to again and again.
