166 “I Do” Declare These Happy Marriage Puns Will Make You LOL

Funny, romantic, and maybe even a tad cheesy—marriage puns tick all the boxes! You’re reading this because you LOVE a good pun, and marriage puns are the absolute cream of the crop.

Before we get too far, did you know that the term “honeymoon” comes from an old tradition where newlyweds would drink mead, a type of honey wine, for an entire moon cycle to improve their odds of conceiving?

Come along for a ride through some of the wittiest and punniest marriage jokes that will leave you in stitches. Get your giggling apparatus ready, and may the laughs be with you!

Because who doesn’t love a great pun about lifelong commitment?

I vow to make you laugh

Marriage puns can be the perfect way to lighten up any conversation, card, or even wedding toast. These one-liners are like the vows you never knew you needed, promising laughter and smiles. Let’s dive into the first set of rib-tickling marriage puns that showcase the humor in ‘till death do us part.’

1. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
2. Relationships are a lot like algebra. You always look at your X and wonder Y.
3. My husband and I have decided we don’t want children. If anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
4. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes—about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
5. Marrying for money isn’t smart, but it’s a whole lot more comfortable crying in a mansion.
6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
7. Marriages are made in heaven. So are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
8. My wife says I reflect her better half. I told her I must be the full-length mirror.
9. If love is a dream, marriage is the alarm clock.
10. When two pencils got married, they couldn’t erase their love for each other.

Everlasting love and endless puns

True love never gets old, and neither do these puns. They’re the verbal equivalent of a long-lasting, happy marriage—full of happiness and a sprinkle of cheese. Here comes the next marriage puns to make your day as wonderful as saying ‘I do’ all over again.

11. You know it’s true love when you catch yourself comparing your spouse to a WiFi signal.
12. She’s a gem, and I’m a miner. Together, we’re a match made in heaven.
13. My wife and I are cleaning fanatics; we know how to sweep each other off our feet.
14. The secret to a long-lasting marriage? Lots of cake and humor.
15. I found my wife like a top-notch WiFi signal—strong and reliable.
16. Marrying an archaeologist means the older I get, the more interested she becomes.
17. We have a solid marriage; she’s the rule, and I’m the exception.
18. We’re like cookies and milk. Sweet, together, and perfect for dunking.
19. Marriage is like getting a dishwasher: it’s practical, useful, and saves a lot of time arguing.
20. Our love is like a fine wine; it gets better with age and occasionally gives you a headache.
21. My husband is a keeper, but that doesn’t mean I want him in every photo.
22. Marriage: an endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.
23. Our love is like algebra—full of problems but worth solving.
24. I stole her heart, so she stole my last name.
25. We go together like coffee and donuts—one sweetens, the other energizes.
26. We argue every now and then, but it’s the thermostat that’s the real reason.
27. Our secret to marriage? We yell and then apologize with food.
28. Our couple goals? To keep laughing till we forget what we were fighting about.
29. Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
30. You know you’re committed when you can tolerate her favorite TV shows.

Matrimony in pun form

The sanctity of marriage deserves nothing but the most pun-derful humor out there. This next bunch of one-liners marriage puns will have you thinking about how much you love puns and your spouse, possibly in that order. Don’t worry, we won’t tell.

31. Being happily married means learning to appreciate your spouse’s bad jokes.
32. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
33. We haven’t slept together in years; she’s busy with her tablets and I’m loyal to my phone.
34. Couples who laugh together, stay together—until the next argument.
35. He fell in love with her cooking; she fell for his wit. Match made in heaven.
36. Our marriage is like a walk in the park—Jurassic Park, that is.
37. We’re a match made in heaven, with a touch of sarcasm.
38. If love makes the world go round, marriage keeps it spinning.
39. We’re like butter and bread—can’t have one without the other.
40. I love my wife, but she’s come to love my snoring.
41. Our marriage is like yoga: it’s all about flexibility and deep breathing exercises.
42. They said marriage is bliss; they forgot to mention the compromise part.
43. I’d fall asleep faster, but you keep elbowing me with love.
44. The best relationships start with humor and end with “You were right.”
45. We fit together like puzzle pieces—mostly because we’re both a little jagged.
46. Our secret to not arguing? Two TVs and headphones.
47. Our love is like coffee—hot, strong, and easily upset if not perfect.
48. Marry someone you can wear matching pajamas with.
49. Why do we stay together? We can’t agree on who should leave.
50. Our meetings are always the same: work, eat, and debate the remote control.

Knot only funny, but punny

Let’s face it: vows can be heavy, but marriage puns are the perfect way to lighten the mood. These marriage puns are like the wedding band you never take off, symbolizing forever laughs and joy. Glide into these puns, much like walking down the aisle, but funnier.

51. Every time we laugh, it’s like saying ‘I do’ all over again.
52. Marriage is full of surprises—especially when it comes to who gets the last piece of cake.
53. Rings may be round, but love has many angles.
54. Marrying an astronomer is out of this world.
55. My wife isn’t high-maintenance; she just knows what she deserves.
56. We’re like two peas in a pod, but sometimes I wish for separate pods.
57. Our love story? A tale of two dishwashers and a dryer.
58. My wife says I’m the light of her life. I say she’s the other half of my power bill.
59. Happy wife, happy life—but a tad bit more expensive.
60. I told her she completes me, especially my sentences.
61. I married Miss Right. Little did I know her first name was Always.
62. Some people call it arguing; we call it discussing terms of endearment.
63. We fight like cats and dogs, but we love like pandas.
64. Agreeing to disagree is our secret weapon.
65. We’re like a well-locked combination, opening up the best in each other.
66. I give her credit for tolerating my quirks; she calls it love.
67. Bonds may be formed in heaven, but they’re argued through on Earth.
68. Our vows were simple: to love, cherish, and use Wi-Fi responsibly.
69. We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.
70. My wife and I have a unique relationship; it’s called Wi-Fi.

Hilarious vows of laughter

At the end of the day, all you need is love—and maybe a few more marriage puns to get you through. As we round off our list of matrimonial humor, these puns promise to lift the spirits of any couple, whether newlyweds or seasoned veterans.

71. We’re like a well-prepared sandwich—full of layers and always multi-faceted.
72. Marriage is the bond that comes with a good collection of inside jokes.
73. Picture us as the dynamic duo, Batman and Robbin’ each other’s desserts.
74. Marriage is saying “I love you” with fewer words and more eye rolls.
75. I love my wife, especially when she finally picks a restaurant.
76. Marriage is the art of never forgetting to clear your browser history.
77. They say there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel; in marriage, it’s usually the fridge.
78. Tickling each other’s funny bone should be a wedding vow.
79. We went from dating to “find your own snacks” in six months.
80. She took my breath away; now she takes up most of the bed.
81. We’re two peas in a pod that never agree on thermostat settings.
82. What’s mine is hers, and what’s hers is a mystery.
83. Love is blind, but marriage opens your eyes to all the things you never noticed.
84. We laugh at each other’s jokes, proving that humor is the glue that keeps us stuck.
85. Our relationship status? Still debating on who takes the trash out.
86. He’s like fine wine; he gets better with age and occasionally makes me dizzy.
87. Marriage is like a refrigerator; there’s usually something disturbing in the bottom drawer.
88. I married my handyman; he always fixes my heart.
89. The best part of marriage? You finally have a permanent karaoke partner.
90. We complete each other’s sentences and steal each other’s fries.
91. My husband is the peanut butter to my jelly, especially when it comes to sticking together.
92. We’re not perfect, but our WiFi password is.
93. Our love is an endless playlist of hilarity.
94. I never understood bliss until I found someone who laughs at my jokes.
95. Love is a game where partners switch controllers.
96. We dance to our own rhythm, especially when no one’s watching.
97. The key to a happy marriage? Sharing the last slice of pizza.
98. We might squabble now and then, but we always end it with humor.
99. Our relationship style? Netflix and no more chill.
100. I married my laugh partner for life.

Life’s a dance with marriage puns

Marriage is a journey filled with love, laughter, and plenty of puns. These last mariage puns will keep you smiling as you dance through life with your partner.

101. We’re like a well-cooked stew—takes time to perfect but oh-so worth it.
102. Marriage is like fine wine; it gets better with age and pairs well with laughter.
103. I asked my spouse what they wanted for dinner, and they said, “Anything but your jokes.”
104. Together, we make the perfect playlist of love and laughter.
105. We promised to love, cherish, and occasionally steal each other’s food.
106. Marriage is a lot like dancing; sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
107. Every day with my spouse is a new chapter in our love story, filled with humor.
108. We’re like puzzle pieces—each unique but fitting perfectly together.
109. Our love is like a never-ending sitcom, always making us laugh.
110. I never believed in fairy tales until I found my happily ever after.
111. We’re like peanut butter and jelly—better together.
112. Love is sharing your popcorn, even when you want it all.
113. We keep each other grounded and sometimes push each other to fly.
114. Marriage is a rollercoaster ride—thrilling, sometimes scary, but always better together.
115. We’re each other’s biggest fans and toughest critics.
116. I married my best friend, and every day feels like an adventure.
117. Our love is like a fine dessert—sweet, comforting, and best enjoyed together.
118. We’ve built a life full of memories, laughter, and a little bit of chaos.
119. Marriage is a dance where you sometimes step on toes but always find your rhythm.
120. We balance each other out, like yin and yang.
121. Our love story is my favorite to tell, especially the funny parts.
122. Marriage is like a deck of cards: all you need at first is two hearts and a diamond. But in the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
123. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We had drinks. Cool guy. He’s a web designer now.
124. Marriage is a relationship where one is always right, and the other is the one who just made dinner.
125. I asked my wife what she wants for our anniversary. She said, “Something with a lot of diamonds.” So, I got her a deck of cards.
126. Some people ask the secret to a long marriage. It’s simple: a good lawyer.
127. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
128. Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
129. I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And then it was too late.
130. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
131. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
132. Marriage is a workshop. The husband works, and the wife shops.
133. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
134. A husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
135. Wife: “Do you want dinner?” Husband: “Sure, what are my choices?” Wife: “Yes and no.”
136. Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.
137. I’m not scared of heights, I’m scared of widths. gestures to hips
138. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
139. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
140. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? About 45 pounds.
141. I’m so happy I married my wife. Now I have someone to blame for everything.
142. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
143. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
144. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
145. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence… a life sentence.
146. Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.

More Funny Marriage Puns and Jokes:

1. The Mystery of the Missing Remote:
   One night, John couldn’t find the TV remote. After searching everywhere, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, where’s the remote?” She replied, “Why don’t you ask the remote control fairy?” John rolled his eyes and kept searching. The next morning, he found a note under his pillow that read, “Dear John, stop losing the remote. – The Remote Control Fairy.”
2. The Honeymoon Survival Kit:
   On their honeymoon, Sarah handed her new husband, Dave, a box labeled “Honeymoon Survival Kit.” Inside, Dave found earplugs, a sleeping mask, and a stress ball. Confused, he asked, “What’s all this for?” Sarah winked and said, “Just in case you snore, sleepwalk, or forget my coffee order.”
3. The DIY Disaster:
   Lisa convinced her husband, Mark, to start a DIY project together. They decided to build a bookshelf. After hours of struggling, Mark finally said, “Who needs a bookshelf anyway? Books are for nerds!” Lisa sighed and replied, “Good thing we’re building one, then. It’ll hold all your instruction manuals.”
4. The Anniversary Mix-Up:
   On their first anniversary, Tom surprised his wife, Emma, with a romantic dinner. As they were eating, he proudly said, “I remembered our special day!” Emma laughed and said, “Tom, our anniversary was yesterday. But nice try!”
5. The Shopping Spree:
   Jane came home with a bunch of shopping bags. Her husband, Bill, asked, “Did you buy the entire mall?” Jane smiled and said, “No, just the half that was on sale.”
6. The Cooking Catastrophe:
   Mike decided to cook dinner for his wife, Anna. As he served a charred piece of meat, he proudly announced, “Bon appétit!” Anna looked at the burnt offering and said, “Looks like you’ve invented a new cuisine: Charcoal Surprise.”
7. The Pillow Talk:
   One night, Lisa told her husband, “Honey, let’s talk about our dreams.” He replied, “Okay, you go first.” Lisa started sharing her hopes and aspirations, and when it was her husband’s turn, he said, “I dream of a world where the toilet seat is always down.”
8. The Closet Crisis:
   Emma was organizing her closet when her husband walked in. He saw the piles of clothes and asked, “Are you donating these?” Emma sighed and said, “No, I’m just trying to find that one shirt I know I have but can never find.”
9. The Great Compromise:
   Jane and her husband, Dave, were arguing about where to go on vacation. Jane wanted the beach, while Dave preferred the mountains. Finally, they compromised and went to a mountain lake. Jane said, “It’s a win-win! You get your mountains, and I get my beach.”
10. The Bedtime Battle:
    Sarah and her husband had different bedtime habits. She liked to read, while he preferred to sleep in silence. One night, Sarah said, “Why don’t we read together?” Her husband replied, “Sure, but can we read a bedtime story? Maybe it’ll put us both to sleep.”
11. The DIY Furniture:
    Mark decided to build a coffee table. After hours of work, he presented it to his wife. She looked at the wobbly creation and said, “It’s perfect… for our outdoor bonfire.”
12. The Alarm Clock Dilemma:
    Mike set multiple alarms to wake up early, but he kept snoozing them. His wife, fed up, said, “Why don’t you set one alarm and actually get up?” Mike replied, “Where’s the fun in that?”
13. The Cooking Competition:
    Emma and her husband had a cooking competition. Emma made a gourmet meal, while her husband made a peanut butter sandwich. Emma asked, “What’s that?” He proudly said, “It’s a classic. Simple, yet elegant.”
14. The Gardening Adventure:
    Jane and her husband decided to start a garden. After planting seeds, Jane said, “In a few months, we’ll have fresh vegetables!” Her husband replied, “Or we’ll have a wild forest. Either way, it’ll be interesting.”
15. The Workout Challenge:
    Sarah convinced her husband to join her workout routine. After five minutes of yoga, he said, “I think I pulled something.” Sarah replied, “Yeah, your sense of commitment.”
16. The Tech Support:
    Mike’s wife asked him to fix her laptop. After an hour of tinkering, he said, “I think it’s time to call a professional.” She laughed and said, “I thought you were the professional!”
17. The Shopping List:
    Jane sent her husband to the store with a list. He came back with everything except the main ingredient. Jane asked, “Did you get the chicken?” He replied, “Oops, I knew I forgot something important!”
18. The Movie Marathon:
    Emma and her husband planned a movie marathon. Halfway through the first movie, he fell asleep. Emma whispered, “Some marathon this is.” He mumbled in his sleep, “I’ll catch up in my dreams.”
19. The Dance Lesson:
    Sarah convinced her husband to take dance lessons. After stepping on her toes multiple times, he said, “Maybe dancing isn’t my thing.” Sarah replied, “Or maybe you just need steel-toed shoes.”
20. The Car Ride:
    Jane and her husband were on a road trip. After hours of driving, she asked, “Are we lost?” He confidently replied, “No, we’re just taking the scenic route.” Jane laughed and said, “I hope the scenic route has a gas station.”

Marriage puns that seal the deal

Ready for more giggles and shares? These marriage puns are the perfect way to bond over a good laugh. If you loved our compilation, don’t keep it to yourself!

Share with friends who appreciate a good laugh as much as you do. Bookmark JokeAndPun.com for your daily dose of humor. Go ahead, because happiness is better when shared!