New York City, the city that never sleeps, hasn’t just blessed the world with towering skyscrapers, Broadway shows, and pizza slices the size of your face—it’s also home to a quirky, fast-paced sense of humor. If you can make ’em laugh in NYC, you can make ’em laugh anywhere—it’s an unspoken rule.
But did you know that the average New Yorker walks almost twice as fast as the rest of America? Maybe it’s because they’re hurrying to get out of the way of whatever joke is coming next! Today, we bring you New York puns that encapsulate the hustle and hilarity of the Big Apple.
Whether you love the city or just love laughing at it, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone—New York-style.
Table of the Funniest New York Puns
1. Why don’t Manhattanites ever get lost?
Because they already know every corner is under construction.
2. What kind of key opens up the Empire State Building?
A TurKEY!
3. Why don’t New Yorkers play hide and seek?
Good luck hiding in a city that never sleeps!
4. What’s a New Yorker’s favorite instrument?
The subway turnstile—it plays something different every time.
5. How do New Yorkers like their coffee?
Just like their streets: dark and full of potholes.
6. Why did the pigeon refuse to leave Times Square?
Because Broadway musicals are worth the droppings.
7. What do you call a polite taxi driver?
Lost.
8. If a cabbie, a Wall Street banker, and a tourist walk into a bar, who pays the tab?
The tourist, of course—welcome to New York!
9. Why do New Yorkers always seem so tired?
Because they spend half their lives circling for parking spaces.
10. What do skyscrapers and a New York winter have in common?
They both make you feel tiny and cold.
11. How does Central Park stay in shape?
It jogs everyone’s memory.
12. Why did the ghost move to Staten Island?
Because it heard things are “dead” over there.
13. How many rats does it take to screw in a light bulb in New York?
None—they’re running the power grid.
14. Why did the MTA start selling perfume?
To mask the smell of disappointment.
15. What’s the most common form of poetry in New York City?
Subway announcements. You never know what they mean, but they leave an impression.
16. Why don’t New Yorkers believe in love at first sight?
Because they’ve seen people double-park too many times!
17. Why did the hipster refuse to order the pizza?
Because it wasn’t from Brooklyn, and the cheese wasn’t hand-picked by a local artisan.
18. Why was the Statue of Liberty always late to parties?
She has to “stand” and watch over the city for a living!
19. What did one skyscraper say to the other?
Wow, you really tower over me!
20. Why is it hard to start a conversation with someone on the subway?
Because the only thing more crowded than the train is the awkward silence.
21. How do you recognize a true New Yorker?
They’ll tell you they’re a New Yorker within the first five minutes.
22. What’s the biggest piece of furniture in a tiny New York apartment?
The door.
23. Why do New Yorkers love bridges?
Because they get to cross over their problems.
24. Why did Wall Street take a lunch break?
Because it was an investment in its mental health.
25. How do you get on the 6 train when it’s packed?
You don’t. You just imagine you’re already there.
26. Why don’t New Yorkers like nature?
Because they already get enough shade from their landlords.
27. How does Brooklyn flirt?
By offering you a craft beer that’s as bitter as the gentrification.
28. What’s New York’s favorite dance?
The Hustle—because everyone’s doing it.
29. Why did the tomato blush in the farmer’s market?
Because it saw the salad undressing—only in NYC!
30. What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of comedy?
Stand-up—just like they have to on the subway every morning.
31. Why do New Yorkers refuse to go to Times Square?
Because they prefer their selfies without a million people in the background.
32. How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
Change? Have you seen the cost of rent lately?
33. What kind of shoes do New Yorkers wear?
Whatever dodges trash piles best.
34. Why are New Yorkers such great multitaskers?
Who else can read, eat a bagel, and give directions all while swiping their MetroCard?
35. What do you call a grumbling commuter and a happy tourist on the subway?
Tuesday.
36. Why did the pizza break up with the bagel?
It couldn’t handle the round-the-clock commitments.
37. What did one NY deli sandwich say to the other?
I feel left out without my side of pickles.
38. Why did the cyclist love Central Park?
Because it was the only spot where they wouldn’t get honked at every second.
39. What’s the best part of moving to NYC?
Discovering that IKEA furniture takes up half your apartment.
40. Why don’t New Yorkers take vacations?
Because they think they’re the destination.
41. What do you call a snowstorm in New York?
A show-off from Canada.
42. Why did the banker love Broadway?
He invested in “Greed,” and it closed on opening night.
43. How did the hotdog vendor insult the tourist?
He said, “You must be Frank! Otherwise, I’d relish this moment!”
44. Why don’t New Yorkers do small talk?
Because the only time they have for chat is while you’re waiting for your latte.
45. What’s a New Yorker’s favorite side dish?
Complaining about rent.
46. How do you tell a real New Yorker from a tourist?
Only tourists wear the Statue of Liberty hat unironically.
47. What did the subway pole say to the commuter?
Stop holding onto me for dear life!
48. Why did the squirrel move to the Bronx?
It heard the nuts were different there.
49. What’s the best thing about summer in NYC?
It’s only been rescheduled four times.
50. Why was the apple so popular in New York?
Because it picked up a little bite and attitude.
51. Who’s the most ignored person in NYC?
The guy asking for directions in midtown.
52. Why are taxi drivers so good at math?
Because they can calculate surge pricing like it’s rocket science.
53. What’s the most unbearable sound in all of NYC?
The screech of realizing your favorite hole-in-the-wall just became a Zara.
54. Why did the startup move to Manhattan?
It wanted to be part of the hustle, even if nobody wants to admit they’re hustling.
55. What’s a New Yorker’s favorite season?
The one where AC is mandatory everywhere.
56. Why don’t pigeons pay rent?
Because they already own the city skies!
57. What’s harder to find than a parking spot?
An argument-free apartment lease negotiation.
58. What do you give a New Yorker who’s feeling down?
A hot slice, because everything’s better with pizza.
59. What’s the difference between a tourist and a New Yorker?
A tourist will ask for a map, a New Yorker will just guess and blame Google.
60. Why did the opera singer move to Queens?
She wanted more space to hit the high notes.
61. Why did the Statue of Liberty take ballet?
She wanted to improve her “point.”
62. Why are New Yorkers always looking up?
Because who can resist those skyscrapers—or watching drones being flown illegally.
63. What do you call a Manhattan sunset?
An Instagram post waiting to happen.
64. Why does everyone in NYC walk fast?
Rent’s rising as we speak.
65. What did one bagel say to the other in New York?
“I feel like I’m on a roll here.”
66. Why didn’t the bridge cross the Manhattanite?
Because it knew better.
67. How do you know it’s spring in New York?
The taxis start to bloom in the traffic.
68. What’s Central Park’s least favorite time of day?
Rush hour—it can’t leaf fast enough.
69. Why are all Yankees fans so confident?
Because they’ve already won at arguing.
70. Why do people say New York is the city of dreams?
Because only in your dreams can you afford a place in Manhattan.
71. Why did the Coney Island ride get fired?
It had too many ups and downs.
72. What’s Times Square’s favorite holiday?
Black Friday, when all the flashing lights suddenly seem normal.
73. Why did the lamp apologize to the New York street?
Because it was throwing too much shade.
74. Why did the cyclist love the West Side Highway?
Because it was the only path that didn’t yell at them.
75. What’s Brooklyn’s favorite band?
Anything obscure. You’ve probably never heard of them.
76. What do New Yorkers and weather patterns have in common?
They both change quickly and without warning.
77. How do you offend a New Yorker?
Tell them their city’s “kinda nice.”
78. Why don’t picnics in Central Park last long?
Because the squirrels RSVP first.
79. How do you know if someone just moved to the city?
They’re still impressed by the skyline.
80. How does New York make quiet happen?
Simple: snowstorm.
81. Why do tourists walk so slowly in New York?
They’re busy looking for the rest of their group—and their map!
82. What’s the best thing about taking the Staten Island Ferry?
It’s free—and for a New Yorker, that’s pure luxury!
83. Why did the art gallery hire the taxi driver?
Because he knows how to frame a situation.
84. What did the Brooklyn barista say to the cup of espresso?
“I’m steaming with excitement!”
85. How does New York handle summer heat?
Very poorly—with a side of sarcasm.
86. Why did the new restaurant fail in the East Village?
Because no one knew it existed until Yelp said it was closed.
87. How do you catch a New York rat?
You don’t—they catch you.
88. Why did the skyscraper break up with the elevator?
It couldn’t handle the ups and downs.
89. What’s a New Yorker’s favorite type of bag?
The kind with a Seamless order inside.
90. Why did the sandwich go to Broadway?
Because it was ready for its big break.
91. What do you call the Brooklyn Bridge in rush hour?
An elaborate parking lot.
92. What makes New York pizza so good?
The attitude—oh, and the water.
93. Why don’t you ever see ghosts in Manhattan?
Even apparitions can’t afford rent.
94. What was the Central Park squirrel’s latest project?
Apparently, it’s “nuts” about acorn collection.
95. Why is every conversation in New York a high-stakes situation?
Because opinions about pizza, bagels, or subways can make or break friendships.
Stick around for more laughs—and don’t forget to share!
New York may be known for its towering skyscrapers and hustle-bustle, but its wit and humor are just as grand. If these New York jokes had you chuckling about the iconic city, why not share them with your Big Apple-loving friends? Bookmark Jokeandpun.com for more belly laughs, and don’t forget—you’re only one joke away from brightening someone’s day. Spread the laughter like a hot slice of New York pizza!
