If there’s one thing that transcends boundaries it’s humor, and nothing quite tests the limits of fun like condom jokes. These resilient, versatile protectors have served not just in the bedroom, but also as the butts of many laughs over time.
Did you know that condoms date back to at least 15,000 years ago when early humans used materials like fish bladders and animal intestines? While we’ve come a long way since then in both sophistication and sanitary practices, the humor surrounding condoms has remained timeless. Buckle up (or should we say, wrap up), because you’re in for a rib-tickling ride!
Exploring the world of condom jokes, you’ll find that they’re not only hilarious but also impressively ingenious. From witty one-liners to clever puns, condom humor manages to find its place in various social settings while reminding us not to take life—or protection—too seriously.
Table of the funniest condom jokes
1. Why don’t condoms talk much?
They’re great at keeping things under wraps!
2. Why did the condom go to school?
To learn about safe sex education.
3. What did one condom say to the other during a boring movie?
“This isn’t very stimulating.”
4. How did the condom greet its friends at the party?
“We’re going to have a ‘poppin’ time!”
5. Why did the condom blush?
It saw the bottom shelf magazine.
6. What do you call a condom that sings?
A rubber band.
7. Why did the vegetable cross its produce aisle?
Because it saw the condom and didn’t want to get ‘wraptured.’
8. What’s a condom’s favorite type of music?
Anything smooth and latex-y.
9. Why did the banana wear a condom?
So it wouldn’t get peeled.
10. What did the condom say to its partner after a big argument?
“Let’s not split, we’re stronger together.”
11. How did the condom feel after winning the lottery?
Inflated with happiness!
12. Why don’t condoms enjoy crowded places?
They’re used to more intimate settings.
13. What do you get if you cross a condom and a journalist?
Someone who knows how to cover a story.
14. Why did the condom apply for a job in marketing?
Because it knows how to handle exposure.
15. Why are condoms bad at chess?
They can’t handle the pressure.
16. What do you call a mischievous condom?
A little rubber trouble.
17. Why was the condom in therapy?
It had issues with breaking under pressure.
18. What do you call a really funny condom?
Hilarious prophylactic.
19. Why did the sock refuse to go out with the condom?
It heard it was too protective.
20. What do you say to a worried condom?
“Don’t stress, you’ve got this covered!”
21. Did you hear about the time the condom took up acting?
It totally stole the rubbery role.
22. Why don’t condoms make good politicians?
They’re too transparent.
23. Why was the condom always calm?
It practiced safe stress relief.
24. What makes a condom laugh during a mechanics’ class?
Lubricant jokes.
25. Why was the condom sweeping the floors?
It wanted everything to be spotless.
26. How do you compliment a good friend?
You’re like a condom: reliable and always there when needed.
27. What’s a condom’s favorite TV show?
The Rubber Room.
28. What did the condom say during a comedian’s set?
“That was a safe joke.”
29. Why did the condom hate its job at the bakery?
It was tired of always being pulled apart.
30. How can you tell if a condom found its soulmate?
They fit perfectly together.
31. What does a condom say to feel better?
“Stay positive, but test negative.”
32. What do you call a condom for clowns?
A whoopee rubber.
33. Why don’t condoms enjoy movies?
They prefer previews.
34. What’s a condom’s favorite holiday?
Wrapture Day!
35. Why did the condom get a promotion?
It excelled in protective measures.
36. What do you call a condom on a desk?
Office protection.
37. Why was the condom an excellent singer?
It had perfect ‘pitch.’
38. What do you get when you throw a condom in the ocean?
A safe wave.
39. Why are condoms the best listeners?
They know how to stretch a conversation.
40. What’s a dinosaur’s favorite preservation method?
Juras-sick Park’d!
41. Why was the detective condom on the case?
It always found the leak.
42. What’s a condom’s superpower?
Resistance.
43. What did the condom name its memoir?
“Wrapped Adventures.”
44. What’s a condom’s favorite drink?
Anything on the rocks.
45. Why couldn’t the condom walk straight?
It was unused to the ‘pressure.’
46. What do you call a gathering of condoms?
A wrap session.
47. Why are wise men like condoms?
They’ve got everything covered.
48. What did the police say to the condom after an arrest?
“You’re going to lock-up.”
49. How do condoms relax?
They have laid-back ‘protection.’
50. What do you call a comedic condom?
A stand-up rubber.
51. Why did the condom win an award?
For being outstanding in its field of protection.
52. What did the condom say to its favorite band?
“Your music really wraps around my heart.”
53. Why was the condom at the hotel?
It was there to ensure a safe stay.
54. Why are condoms good in crowds?
They know how to avoid break-ups.
55. What do you shout when you see a wild condom in the wilderness?
“Wild wrap!”
56. What topic do condoms enjoy discussing?
Safe topics.
57. Why did the condom refuse to jump out of the airplane?
It doesn’t like heights without a parachute.
58. What is a condom’s strategic advice in a crisis?
Stay stretched but don’t be stressed.
59. Why did the condom go to space?
It wanted to explore new frontiers in protection.
60. What’s a condom’s favorite subject in school?
Safe-matics.
61. How did the condom participate in politics?
Warding off unnecessary burst debates.
62. What’s a condom’s favorite condiment?
Mustard, because it never ketches!
63. Why doesn’t a condom read magazines?
It prefers books with more “depth.”
64. Why don’t condoms get lost?
They always have a good “sense” of direction.
65. What did the tissues say to the condom?
“Stay strong, you’re doing a great ‘stretch.'”
66. Why did the condom start a podcast?
It wanted to discuss protection in the digital age.
67. How did the condom ace the job interview?
It knew how to handle pressure and stay strong under stress.
68. Why don’t condoms like roller coasters?
They’re tired of all the ups and downs.
69. What did the condom say to the balloon?
“Don’t worry, I got this — we’re all about inflation!”
70. Why do condoms excel at problem-solving?
They know how to wrap things up efficiently.
71. How does a condom practice mindfulness?
It stays present and focused on the moment.
72. What do you call a condom at a comedy club?
A wrap star.
73. Why did the condom refuse to participate in risky business?
It knew how to protect its assets.
74. What’s a condom’s favorite exercise?
Stretching — it’s all about flexibility!
75. Why did the condom never get cold feet?
It’s always prepared for heated situations.
76. What did the condom say at the motivational seminar?
“Wrap your mind around safety and success!”
77. Why don’t condoms play poker?
They know when to fold.
78. What’s a condom’s favorite dance move?
The rubber twist!
79. How does a condom take its coffee?
Protected by a sleeve, of course.
80. What do you call a condom who’s really into fashion?
A stylish sheath.
81. Where’s the safest place to keep your money?
In a condom—it’s practically leak-proof protection!
82. Why did the egg dislike the condom?
It was blocking all the fun, keeping the sperm away.
83. What happens if your condom leaks?
A surprise delivery in about 9 months!
84. Why did the condom feel betrayed by the pin?
Because they had an agreement—no holes, no surprises!
85. Why did the condom refuse to go on the rollercoaster?
It wasn’t interested in any risky rides… especially ones that could end with a little souvenir 9 months later.
86. How did the condom end up in court?
It was being sued for breach of contract—pun intended!
87. What did the condom say to the teenager at the checkout?
“Trust me, I’m way cheaper than what happens if you don’t use me.”
88. Why did the couple name their kid “Surprise”?
Because the condom they used was on a break!
89. Why don’t condoms ever get hired as babysitters?
Because, technically, if they’d done their job right, there wouldn’t be any kids around!
90. What’s the scariest horror movie for a condom?
A sharp pair of scissors lurking nearby.
91. Why was the condom always so nervous?
It had been let down before—and one slip was all it took for a life-altering consequence.
92. Why did the condom go back to the pharmacy in shame?
It had one job and still ended up with a customer service complaint… in the form of a pregnancy test.
93. What did the condom tell the sperm bank?
“Sorry fellas, you’re not making a deposit today.”
94. Why did the condom give up dating apps?
Because it realized there was more at stake than just swiping left or right—it’s more like swiping diapers or sleepless nights!
95. Why did the condom apply for a job as a life coach?
Because it’s all about protection and avoiding regrets.
96. Why don’t condoms like pop songs?
They remind them of the one thing they can never allow—a sudden “POP!”
97. How did the condom know it was in trouble?
When it heard the fateful words: “We need to talk…”
98. What did the condom say after being dropped on the floor?
“I hope this isn’t a metaphor for what’s about to happen in your life.”
99. Why did the condom have a breakdown?
Because after one small slip-up, it was left questioning its whole existence.
100. What did the condom tell its therapist?
“I’m feeling deflated… I was supposed to keep things together, but now someone’s calling me ‘Dad.’”
Share the protection and the laughs!
We’ve brought you the funniest condom jokes to brighten your day and offer some much-needed comic relief. Humor is an amazing way to connect, so why not share these laughs with your friends and family? Bookmark our page for more hilarious content and be sure to spread the joy by sharing this article on social media!
Remember, laughter is the best protection; unless you’re a condom, then it’s just part of the job.
